Testing 1..2...3...who are you?

Going on Tertia's recomendation, I went ahead and took a personality test that she swears is right on...and holy crap...it knew more about me than i knew :)! If you have some time to burn today...try it out.

I turned out to be a giver or teacher.

Found a Surgeon!

Had my second surgeon interview on wednesday. After being severely disappointed with the first asshole doctor....it was a necessity to keep on doling out $35 co pays lookin. Talked with the kind and wise folks at the birth center where i delivered grant paul - they referred me to this new doc, saying if anyone would do it my way...she would. Drove 50 minutes west, sat down with the dr sears discipline book and waited to meet my master her.

It was GREAT. Her nurse practioner is adorable, sweet and kind...even empathetic! They have no problems atall performing the hernia surgery under local anasthesia! Its small enough to do it. And to think the first doc would not even consider it! Hmmm...there must be lots more money in laproscopic procedures...derr. As a recap...the orginal quack spent 10 minutes answering my questions only to walk out on me before i was finished..and refused to consider doing the surgery with less than general anasthesia, intubation and paralytic drugs! Wow....this is a major shift..and i couldnt be happier!

So now we are scheduling...prolly going to get er done the week before xmas. That way i can heal on holiday pay.

Scoby Dooby Kombucha

Yesterday, while perusing motheringdotcommune, I learned of kombucha tea on this thread...and was immediately intrigued. Have you heard of it? "Kombucha is the Western name for sweetened tea or tisane that has been fermented by a macroscopic solid mass of microorganisms called a "kombucha colony," usually consisting principally of Acetobacter-species and yeast cultures" - wiki

Turns out its around 2000 years old...the technique or recipe that is. Since i am ever on the hunt for immune boosters and healthful bacteria sources...this tea is now on my to do list. I like the challenge of finding a scoby and experimenting to get a good final product.

Its certainly strange....place a pancake sized mushroom or SCOBY (Symbiotic Colony of Bacteria and Yeast)which is very much alive...in a jar with tea and sugar...and wait 2 weeks. If the ph is between 2.5 & 4.5...you have kombucha...which is generally believed to be a very healthy and refreshing drink.

While at the local health food store last evening...I asked around to see if there just might be a SCOBY donor among the help...and sure enough...looks like I may be adopting one in the future! Now...to gather my supplies...1 gallon glass jar, organic black tea, rubber band, coffee filter, and maybe even cute cork topped bottles for storage.

Have you tried Kombucha before? Commercial or homebrew? What did you think of it? Maybe you have even made some before. I would love to hear from everyone with kombucha experience...and those who are just hearing of it. Sure was news to me. Sounds fun and rewarding.....now just waiting for the scoby to arrive.

Flash Back

So just for fun I decided to rifle through the old old photo bucket and see what i could dig up. However...once again the fact that i am and have always been the primary photographer in the family....means that unfortunately i am in general left out of our documented history. and when i did spend the extra minutes to take a timed photo...my ex is right next to me. ho hum. i told dave that if i die early grant wont think i did anything with him due to me being absent from 98.9% of our photo archive. its just not fair - he dont even like to have his pic taken yet he is captured in adorable scenes with our darling young son. grrrrr. and then when im forced to beg for a pic....like...oh please take a pic of this sometime...or...i sure would like to have this memory on film....and finally....GO GET THE CAMERA DICK HEAD absent minded gorilla you silly boy.

grant decided to wreak havoc on the pics...treating them with the total disregard that only an uninhibited 16 month old pure anarchist can do without feeling some remorse, guilt or any shred of shame. in the process of trying to save them from his sticky grip my back seized up. i really felt old right then and there...my child getting away with stuff because i cant move hehe. so i didnt have much time to poke through but i did grab a few and this is what i came up with. lets walk down memory lane.

Here is Dave my husband, Happy and I back in 93 (yes that makes happy 14 years old now!)



Here am I 2 years later ('95) in god forsaken Texas....on a trip out west to find happiness (sure as hell didnt find it in texas...although this wildlife refuge was pretty awesome)



These are both taken in 1997

This one is in Mendocino National Forest, CA


and im all cleaned up in my homeade dress for this one:



and then this just cracked me up and i couldnt help but share. its obviously the ad to sell the bus...notice the one phone number taken...thats all it took! the bus has a very fond place in my memories...although i would recommend to you...that when you have an art car...it is quite a luxury to have a normal car on the side...for those occasions you dont want to be noticed, waved at, honked at or otherwise attract attention.we had great times in and with that thing (but im really glad its gone)



So thats it for today. Just a lighthearted pictorial on the paula that used to be...ages 20 - 24. Such a baby!

Back in the Saddle Again

well im back at work...back in the groove...back in my comfortable if not somewhat predictable and boring routine. im feeling better (emotionally) today. physically...i feel like a truck ran over my midsection and my crotch is going to fall out.

but besides that...hey the sun is out and my kid is brillant and my husband is faithful and adores me...so im on cloud nine.

speaking of my son's mind...he amazed me over thanksgiving. my mom showed him how to twirl his beloved ho (the plastic garden variety but jokes are a plenty)...hand over hand like a baton. well sure enough...he did it right there and then...exactly just as she had...even humming a little tune at the same time as she had done. we were all just beside ourselves. thats a tricky maneuver and to do it immediately...without the need to practice....it was cool. i ran to get my camera...and of course next time he didnt do it for as long but at least i did get it (not on digital though). it is so fun when your kid shocks you with his superior brain capacity (and where did he come from?).

im getting kinda revved up about the conference in january. im not really looking to sell the house before spring...so im settling in for the winter...and getting excited about my job again. we will be gone for 5 days...so ive recruited my mother as the nanny. that way grant will be toddling along! they can enjoy the pool in the day while im at classes (earning ceus for the first time!) and in the evenings i will skip the drunken folley to chill with my fam. now...if there is a blizzard...im going to have to pull out plan b...which i dont actually have yet. hmmmmm...who lives here that can fart away 5 days with me????? hopefully it wont come to that. my mom is so sweet to do this for me.

ok well off to lunch. oh...btw....my surgeon appt turned out to be wednesday!!!!!!!! derrrr.....so tomorrow i will meet with her and schedule it...as long as she is coolio. i know she is willing to do it under local anesthesia if the hernia is small enough..fingers crossed!

garsh....i honestly was cool with it when i posted earlier today...but maybe its because im off work today..and have time on my hands...maybe its because im alone for the first time in a long time....or maybe its just hormones....but im just down. it was a llllllloooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnggggggg week of wondering and waiting and teasing....so im sure that plays a huge part in this.

The Return of Aunt Flow

Aunt flow arrived this morning!


By this time in the drama...its 90% relief...and only 10% disappointment. I cant believe i had a week and a half of terrible pms! Plus i never have spotting or a week + of cramps leading up to it. Its possible that i did loose a baby...but im not going to focus on anything other than the fact that i can move on and get my hernia fixed.

So thats that.

**edited to add: i do think it was a chemical pregnancy now that i have looked into it. most women dont have symptoms or observe anything other than a period that is a few days late. its very very common. learn something everyday.

"Due to the fact that in a chemical pregnancy a fertilized egg does not implant into the uterus most women do not experience signs and symptoms of pregnancy (ie. tender breast, nausea, and / or fatigue). There are a few reports of women who have been pregnant in the past who state that they felt pregnant with their chemical pregnancy. There may be mild abdominal cramping as well as mild spotting just prior to what most women think is their normal menstrual cycle. The menstrual cycle usually begins on time or a few days late."

sunday night pass out

when i said we were crashing at the marriott....i meant it....we dont actually pay to stay at the place..instead our rich brother who has expendable cash was staying there...and we drove over, swam in the pool, ordered our fav st louis pizza and totally owned the lobby where we watched kept up with the big mizzou ku game....and mizzou won im happy to say. im such a fair weather friend! my boss said i better not come in monday if mizzou won...so IM NOT!!! when he calls around 9:25am tomorrow....im gonna hold him to it hehe. i love it!

it was a great trip!

so regarding my girlie bits (if you dont wanna know the slimey details dont read anymore)

i have been spotting VERY lightly since thursday. im talking like once or twice a day. just before i sat down to write this...i had a tad more than spotting...so maybe just maybe...im staring my period! holy cats! all i know is im tired of wondering. nomatter what...this was the strangest cycle i have EVER had in my life! im wondering if maybe its even the earlies of menapause or something. or maybe its something negative.....dont want to let my mind wander. anyhoo...i am shopping a new surgeon tomorrow...so i will mention all this stuff to her...and im sure there is pre surgery tests that will go on....so hopefully we can get some answers there (if there are any to be had).

So here are some of the pics from the trip. Im so glad I took the time to take them. It was amazing how much emotion they evoked as i flipped back through them!
















ttyt

from the marriott

Hi!

Its saturday night and we are crashing at the marriott so i have access to the internet. man...i had no idea how addicted attached i am to it! i missed you ole girl. anyhoo....

no i have not started my period. no i have not passed a pregnancy test. i have been spotting for two days though....so im not sure what that means...but i do know its not "like me". i mentioned to my sil that my under arm had been sore for a couple weeks...and she was very concerned. i will have talk with the dr about that at my monday appt. a part of me is worried that all of this strange girl stuff could be something more serious. but im trying to not think about that for the time being.

i hear my sweet boy crying and coming towards me...so i best say tada...and post again tomorrow night.

hope your holiday was rockn!

Homeward Bound

Rock on...today is the kind of day that mocks routine. I love it. We get off at noon...and my boss said we dont have to even pretend to be busy hehe. Then Im off to dollar general for yet more hgt tests and grant a pair of mittens. The cold front has come in and winter is here to stay im bettin.

Homeward bound for a nap.........ahhhhhh..im so looking forward to that. Ive even decided to leave grant at day care while i do so. That way he will get a good nap (because i wont be disrupting him right before his regularly scheduled day care nap...to come home and get all wound up)...and I will get a good nap (because he wont be keeping me up or disrupting my snooze). Yes i want to see him...and yes a part of me it tempted to just go pick him up....but honestly....we will both be better off if i just go get him later.

After we catch some zzzzzzzzzzzzs....we must pack. Packing for 2 is soo much more overwhelming challenging than just packing for myself. Grant requires lots of clothes (kids are messy and accidents do happen), toys, meds, snacks, sensitive soap, stroller, backpack carrier, DVD player and selection of baby Einstein dvds, shoes,socks, coat, hat, jackets, mittens...hmmm am i forgetting anything?

I bring a variety of meds just to be prepared. The nebulizer tags along just in case...and I bring the broncho saline solution along with the serious drugs. We only use the saline unless things get really bad! This is so awesome. When we were following drs orders....we started administering massive amounts of xopenex (bronchodilator) and pulmicort (anti inflammatory steroids) at the first cough! We are seeing the same results with just saline! Very Very exciting. Plus overall we just needs meds less...ahhh. I do bring the oral steriod just for an emergency...but we havent used it yet and hopefully never will. I also am bringing his homeopathic mix of horsehound and other good herbs. In fact...I gave him a dropper of that last night because he made an ugly cough that I didnt like the sound. He took it like a big boy too and was awarded a sticker:). OH....and now grant has a very very ugly yeast infection diaper rash poor fella. Im wondering if he could have gotten that from me via breast milk? Still looking into that one. (warning tmi: but i have a yeast infection...and rarely ever do...in fact the last time i had one i was prego). But im excited to be treating it homeopathically as well. I am using a weak solution of vinegar and water! Fingers crossed! Oh and we are pushing yogurt.

So anyhoo...after the packing is complete, grant is bathed and jammies on... i load the car (solo...oh that sounds fun)we go out to pick up daddy from work at 8PM and then off we go to ST Louis for the holiday. Im praying that grant sleeps almost the entire ride! His bed time is between 8:30 - 9:30 so we have a good shot here.




Im thinking I will be able to post from the lou....in between kisses and hugs and feasting and farting.

Peace

qualitative vs quantitative

I am really pissed the fuck off frustrated right now!

Had my blood drawn. While in the office, the nurse asked for a urine sample...i told her to bring out the big guns i wasnt playing (wanted the blood test). Then the dr in training came by and told me that i prolly wouldnt have the results by thanksgiving. I confidentally told him that the lab pickup was at 3PM and the results come in 24 hours - and it that wasnt the case i wouldnt want it done. He said he just works there once a week (then dont speak). Finally the Dr comes in and says that they can do it in house and have yes or no results within 5 minutes. They just spin down the blood and test it in house. "Are they as accurate as the test you send away to the hospital?" I ask. "Oh yes they certainly are " he says. I was thrilled to have answers so quickly...so i went for it.

Blood drawn...5 minutes turned into 25 minutes (THANKS A LOT). It was an interesting period of time. I was actually nervous hehe. I read a pregnancy zine. I called my dh and said our fate would be determined in the next 5. Then after 20 minutes I asked the desk clerk if they had forgotten about me..no they reassured me....they just enjoy torture.

Doc comes out....its a negative! I feelconfused. So i ask him what next? why do i feel like this? He doesnt think its my intestines...prolly just a bug. He did say (without coaching) that he has had it come back negative and then she turned up prego...but that is rare.

OK so here is the real kicker....im not convinced...and i wasnt convinced the second he told me. So you can imagine my dismay when upon arriving back at work, and googling one search on blood tests i find the following:

"A quantitative blood test (or the beta hCG test) measures the exact amount of hCG in your blood. So it can find even tiny amounts of hCG. This makes it very accurate. Qualitative hCG blood tests just check to see if the pregnancy hormone is present or not. So it gives a yes or no answer. The qualitative hCG blood test is about as accurate as a urine test." Are you kidding me? I should know better than to trust a dr.

So the dr talked me into the quickie test which is basically no better than a urine test! I called back twice to talk with the nurse. Unfortunately they used all the blood. I had hoped for them to send off the rest for the other test. GRRRR. Im just so disppointed right now. Why would I submit to having blood drawn just to have a dime store result? PLEASE. So now I have spent $$$ and time and are none the smarter. GREAT. Just call me lucky.

Ya I agree that its unlikely to get a false negative....but i cant deny my body. And I STILL havent officially missed a period yet. Until I have a period (or a positve test)...theres a part of me that will be unsure. I am not going home to have a cocktail....although i really want one...because im not sure.

It is easy to tell me just to relax...and see what happens. If I am prego I am...and likewise. But im not wired like that. Plus if i am prego i want to start not getting drunk and acting a whore at the local tavern treating my body like it is growing a baby (vitamins,good foods, extra water etc).

So i promise i will try and stop writing about this....but its gonna be hard.

Thanks for listening :)

Going to the dr

I am not a patient woman.

I am still testing negative.

I just gotta know. Especially since if I am not prego...then its most likely my hernia causing havok with my intestines..and thats omething i need to know asap.

I scheduled an afternoon appt to have a blood prego test done.

The lab results take 24 hours....grrr.

Results posted tomorrow!

Still sick, moody, cramping & exhausted.

derrrrrrrrrr

ok i tried and i failed. i just cannot write about anything other than pregnancy...so with that i will just wait it out and hope that tomorrow brings more brain activity. it doesnt help that i am very very nauseated and have been for over an hour.

have a good evening. peace out.

grrrrr...im positive but im still negative

Hey whats up? Monday morning...this sucks donkey nuts woo hoo!!

Well...another day another dollar - as in dollar general pregancy tests that cost...you guessed it $1. It screamed negative...but its still early. Aunt Flow should be coming this week sometime. Unfortunately I have not been charting at all accurately so its not exact. Point being...usually it takes till you are late to test positive. Yes i am in a rush. Yes i wanna know. If im not prego i want to order a foo foo martini and a hella lotta sushi...and NOW.

I told my sweet husband this weekend. I had just been feeling like a blow fish without any blow not the greatest and he asked me what was going on? Did I have a bug or something. Ya you could say that. A little bug called SPERM with your name on it buddy (tmi yet very obvious). He was very suprised yet aloof (typical) and ended up being a little extra tender and sweet! Still he is very much rooting for old aunt flow to hurry on back for a visit.

The cramping has not stopped since Thursday. Its light menstral cramping...pretty much non stop. Ive had 2 bouts of nausea (not like me atall). Ive needed cat naps to stay vertical (not like me atall), and Ive had multiple brainfarts - one of these involved desparately searching for my keys for 10 minute only to find them on the key rack (like me - but usually i find them within a couple minutes!). All of these "symptoms" remind me of good ol pregnancy #1. I really really want to find out...and just know. Im not like my good friend Des who can go for months without comfirming. Hell no. I want to start obsessing enjoying the process.

Are the strikeouts angering you to the point of ho ho indulgence annoying you at all? Hope not...bc i really dig em. They are fun...and a great distraction from my crazed mind.

Will return later with a non pregnancy related post.

am i or arent i?

oh i just HAVE to share....that the inspiration for the family planning post was the fact that even though its premature, and i should prepare for disappointment...but.................................................................................oh my....im nervous to post this..........just because its soo early and i dont want to jinx anything or mislead anyone......but to be fair and honest....its totally absorbing my thoughts and my heart......so here it is.

i feel pregnant!

due to start this week....so that (or the lack of) will help validate and maybe then i can freaking get a test to proclaim what my body is yelling right now.

tingly with excitement. cautious with concern. exhilarated with the unexpectedness of it!

more on this later.

ps dont tell anyone :)


(pic for nostalgia)

Sunday Schmit

So the open house was a total bust. Not one soul walked through the doors :( It was pretty disheartening..but after I came to grips with reality..it was all good. The obvious cons are that we spent $100 on advertising and props and a shit ton of time stripping the house of all function and otherwise doing the stuff we shoulda done months ago etc. The less obvious pros, of having an open house disaster, is that the house is stripped of all clutter and we actually did the projects we had been putting off..and the house looks AWESOME!! i feel like martha stewart on crack or something. but seriously...my closets are perfect, my cupboards are organized and my basement smells good.

However, I cant find our netflix movies because i put them away...somewhere "safe" im sure. This problem of lost and not found will surely be repeating itself as we start actually trying to live in this movie set of a house.

Oh and I must share my Lucy open house moment. For aromatherapy I was going to bake chocolate chip cookies. When I went to pop in my first batch......ACKKKK....oh crap....the oven had been pre heating for a half hour with every pot and pan we own inside her girth! So the scent was of softening rubber instead! Nice move Lucy.

Whew...I am exhausted! The days before HGTV, people prolly didnt declutter their houses to the point of dysfunction in preparation for an open house. However, now that we know...we do...and its a bitch.

Tonight I sleep soundly and pray for my goal of 5 families...and 2 offers hehe. A girl can dream right? We sure did go to ALOT of trouble..and expense...and i sure someone takes the bait.

Grant is brillant and gorgeous as usual:).

Update tomorrow night.

Happy Saturday to those of you who are young and wild and free...and especially to those of you who arent.

Family Planning

Its just human nature...as soon as you get married...people start asking you when the babies are coming. It can get pretty annoying. Ok it can be downright rude. Then when you go ahead and give birth..the pushiness doesnt end...in someways it rises to another level of abrasiveness, "When you having another?", "You better get busy, your son is already 1 year old", "It is cruel to have an only child" on and on and on. Beyond the peer pressure....I really do want to have another though.

Between my dear husband and myself...I am the one who wanted a child. When my biological clock started clicking loudly in my ear...at age 31...all of a sudden I wanted to be a mother and SOON. I realized my eggs werent getting any younger. My husband (then boyfriend)wasnt too keen on the idea as he is cheap hehe and lazy hehe..but i guess i changed his mind or else he did it for me...but he did feel strongly about being married if we were going that route...so we got married...and within 2.5 months we were pregnant! WOO HOO. baby making is amazing.

Now let us skip to the present....grant is 16 months old. No i dont want to go through the sleepless nights that a newborn brings...no i dont really want to be pregnant again (even though i truly enjoyed it the first time around). I would just miss sushi too much hehe. Grant had a tumultuous first year. He was sick ALOT. He was not a "normal" child. He stressed us the hell out. Maybe that is why my husband is now staunchly opposed to having any more children. Or maybe its just because, as he puts it, he is DONE. He doesnt want the stress that another child would bring. HOWEVER....what about Grant? What about me? Excuse me mister but you are just one piece to our family puzzle and you need to consider our feelings along with the big picture here.





I would LOVE to give grant a sibling. I feel that it is a gift to him...and to me and his father really. Yes he can be perfectly happy and healthy as an only child...but what could his life be like if he could share it with another? Seems to me like it just gets richer. I told my husband to imagine his life without his 6 siblings (i really thought that would be a slam dunk). but no...it didnt phase him bc he the overwhelming cost of the child alone has him stuck in a rut. I myself had 2much older brothers (down to one due to an early death :( of the eldest), and was kinda raised as an only just due to the fact that they didnt live with us...and i cried and begged my mom to give me a sister. I was LONELY!!!!!!! I am still jealous of sisters. Luckily i have a close relationship with my mom, but other than that, I dont have any super close women friends (unfortunately)...and i crave the intimacy that sisters (who enjoy each other) have.

Point being....I want to have another baby...but DH doesnt. I havent pushed the issue because grant was still a baby himself and I was in no rush. However...time is passing...and its a good time to start dialogue again and in my mind...start persuading the man to MAKE A BABY WITH ME.

Sure we cant really afford it (especially after the move when I wont be a career woman for awhile)...and the insurance situation will be iffy (actually the state we are moving too only offers maternity as a rider! no insurance just has it). Sure our life is full right now. Sure grant is enough. But the what ifs are just too much. I want to give it a shot. Now I have to convert my dear husband...and he is a very stubborn man. Oh and he has already warned me not to sick family and friends on him to manipulate him (bummer). Otherwise I would totally do that during our Thanksgiving visit!

So thats where Im at...dreaming...hoping....to complete the family.

ahhhhhhhhh sleepy time

Wow what an exciting roller coaster this whole circumcision debate has been. Thank you MDC community for rallying (those who played nice), and thank to Shannon (blog author who got all excited about my comment) for giving it such energy.

It was really a great day overall...and I must admit that the unfolding online drama was really satisfying. I am glad folks are conversing about circumcision. I am glad people are talking with their coworkers about it. I am glad people are getting riled up about it on either side...because it means they are thinking about it...and it isnt getting lost in the shuffle of the birthing business. Thanks to all who participated (there was a lot of dialogue at the MDC site...but that post has been removed because some meanies from Shannon's posse joined just to cause mayhem...shame on you). It really surprised me that she acted like a super investigator and followed all my links to find me there (i assume thats how she found my thread there???). she even joined to do so. i am honored.

for those of you who missed it...i will highlight just a couple of the MDC posts (i would have posted more..but since the thread is down..i had to hunt through my "trash" stash...which is very time consuming...):

from me in response to her posting a few times at MDC: I really hope everyone can pull together here and be decent.

Through all the smack...what I read...was that Misguided is interested in not circumcising her son...but at this point in time...gigantically pregnant and full of raging hormones...its hard for her to consider changing her plan...especially when dealing with that fact that im sure her dh is completely against it. yes those are odds that dont favor change. but essentially there really still is time!

Misguided...if you have even a slight hesitation...I urge to postpone the circ till you are ready. There is no reason why it must be done immediately! Take some time to clear your head and move forward when you are comfortable. Its not something you can take back. But it something that can happen in the future...ideally at your son's decision.

I hope your brother in law is aware that he can easily have the circumcision operation! If he still decides not too...that tells you something about the process! Besides...there are PLENTY of women who hunt out intact men! If i was single i would totally be on the prowl :wink. peace sister misguided....dont go getting all stressed. this is just the online world...that i might add ...you got yourself into by posting here! however...what is real is that your son is scheduled to be dismembered in a few days or so. :dizzy:

From Misguided Mommy (her online name): paula444four I did come back to read your post. It was very nice thank you. I would like you all to understand something. I am not upset, I'm not even phased by all of this, I am stronger then that. The only reason I ever responded was to provoke a discussion on my blog and it worked. I also never thought I was coming here for sympathy or for you to understand me. I came here simply to respond because it is my right to do so. I've discussed this more with my husband tonight and he is annoyed that people would be so mean to me, but in the end we agree that it is the best decision for our kids. I wish you all the best and it seems you made the right decision for your family the same way I will for my family! end quote

anyhoo...it was quite the ride and i was thrilled to be apart of it. again thanks everybody. (sure im sad she hasnt decided to postpone the procedure...but at least we had the discussion albeit through posts and online insanity)

my super obedient son (hehe) loves the "time out" game (he made it that! im not sure this is a good thing but we are going with it for now..and btw...he does go there when he really is in trouble too)oh and this is very timely bc i read that shannon has a son who puts himself in time out...once again an example that we are on the same planet here.

here is grant playing with the recycling rack (kazoo in hand)

Circumcision - a new day a new link

A topic like circumicision really sparks emotion in both sides of the issue. For many folks like myself, who are anti circ...the foundation for our passion are reasons such as this (taken from Dr Sears)

Medical benefits - THERE ARE NONE! Do not circumcise your baby because you think there are some medical benefits. A recent review by the American Academy of Pediatrics looked at all the data from the past decades to see if there truly were any medical benefits. Their conclusion - NO. There are no significant medical benefits that make circumcision worth doing. Here are a few benefits that we used to think were true, and now know are not.

Cleanliness - although it is true, a circumcised penis does not collect any white stuff underneath the foreskin like an intact penis does, THIS IS NOT A MEDICAL BENEFIT. It is really just one less area to wash in the shower.

Decreased risk of STD's - this was a myth that we now know is not true.

Decreased risk of penile cancer - it used to be thought that circumcised men had a much lower chance of cancer of the penis. We now know that this benefit is much smaller than previously thought. The AAP determined that this benefit is so tiny, it is not worth circumcising for this reason.

Avoiding infections in the foreskin - it is true, occasionally intact foreskins get irritated. This is easily treated with warms soaks and washing. Rarely, the irritated foreskin becomes infected. This requires antibiotics to clear up, but is easily treatable. Even if this does happen once or twice in a person's life, it is not a reason to circumcise at birth.

Avoiding the need to do it later on - very rarely, someone has a problem with recurrent infections in the foreskin that need antibiotic treatment. Some of these men then need to be circumcised in an operating room under general anesthesia. This is extremely rare, however, and is not a reason to circumcise everyone at birth.

Avoiding bladder infections - it used to thought that circumcised boys and men had a much lower chance of bladder infections. The AAP now knows that this benefit is very small, and is only true for the first few years of life. After that, there is no difference in the number of bladder infections. Again, not a reason to circumcise

The fact that the pain and trauma inflicted by the procedure is a unnecessary tragedy...is just another verification that circ is wrong.

If you still are curious about circumcision or especially if you believe in them, i double dog dare you to witness the procedure in this video (with audio ON).Even if you have seen other videos. If in time you do change your mind you dont have to tell a soul! It can be your little secret...and your son can live out his life whole and appreciate your decision to let him choose for himself.

Circumcision

**Edited: I removed the graphic pic because it was hurting people, but if are prepared to face reality click here

Elective surgery for a newborn?

Does female circumcision sound brutal and cruel to you? The only difference from it and male circumcision is that the male version is "acceptable" in the American culture. Its the same thing...cruel, brutal and unnecessary.

Find out more

**Edited again to add...this post has a life of its own. If you want to check out the blog that inspired some of the distasteful ecomments...be my guest. I commented on her 11/13 post. The most important thing is that we have a discussion here on circumcision! Rock on

FSBO

Our house is up for sale! First open house planned for this sunday!
By Monday we there should be a bidding war heheh. Decluttering and staging commence! I just might bury Saint Francis de Sales upside down in the yard after all (JJ!!!).

Fruit Tree Tour Inspiration

Dont you just LOVE it when something pops out at you and screams HOPE and INSPIRATION and gives you goosebumps all over??? Who doesnt right. Well today..my dear husband had control of the remote..and we do NOT agree on programming so I was going about my business managing the household...when I happened to hear something on the tele that said in a soft sweet voice...." Paula...get your arse over here and improve yourself". So I did...and now I want to share it with you.

The Fruit Tree Tour(one project of Common Vision)is comprised of 3 bio diesel fueled buses (run on used vegetable oil) that caravan about spreading a message of earth education to generally underserved urban areas. They visit schools and spend a day jammin, educating and planting fruit trees right on the school property. ITS BEAUTIFUL. I am so amazed and thankful for their work. It excites me.



You can get a preview of the documentary I saw today on PBS along with other news and links. There is also a blog that covers all the Common Vision projects. And this site lists other caravans throughout the world that have beautiful missions! These people ROCK. I sincerely hope you will check out their site and get inspired to not only plant trees...but get a bit greener..and live out your dreams. Thank

New Town

Are you sick of seeing endless seas of cookie cutter houses in new developments scattered about suburbia? I find them to have no personality, few trees and overall a since of futility (although somehow i found myself living in one..but at least its a bright yet warmBLUE!)

My mom went and visited this place today. Its called New Town...and its a very fun way to develop.



I personally think every neighborhood should have a park..and a corner grocer (so you can walk to get bread and eggs etc..and a meeting place). This place has it...and its freaking adorable...on the verge of being freakishly perfect..but notheless..a great concept. I love creating community...and this place has it. Sure its has no history..no real character..but it does have promise and potential. Check out their events...really got it going on. Its a little over regulated...but still...it is still pretty cool. Its really an intentional community. Ive never seen anything like it (except maybe on desperate housewives...and the truman show!).

Happy weekend!

The Vaccine Debate

Im sure every mother dreads those well baby visits that should really be called the"lets give your perfectly healthy baby 9 toxic cocktails" visit. Umm...did i write that out loud? Oh ya guess i did. Anyhoo.

yes we all dread the shots...but some for reasons more complex than just the ouchie factor.Turns out...vaccinations are not perfect. In fact they leave a lot to be desired. Its one of those situations where you need to do your own research and make an informed decision for your own family (however difficult that can be)...otherwise the business of "mandatory vaccs" and scheduled well baby visits will turn your child into predictable cash flow and unfortunately chemical overload.

Elizabeth over at the Whole Family wrote a great post on 11/05 about her incredible experience at the LLL conference where she was lucky enough to hear Dr. Sears talk about his stance on vaccinations outlined in hisnew book on the subject. Please check out her post...she took notes and there is some very valuable information every parent should know.

Once again what is normal...needs to be reevaluated. I admit...I go back and forth on this issue. So far I have chosen a moderated and delayed schedule for my just turned 16 month old..and even then i have some guilt and concern. Right now we are choosing to not give anymore vaccs. The risks of the vaccs are potentially more hazardous than the diseases themself. However...

"Vaccinating is not all or nothing!!! You can choose to only give select shots or do all of the shots on a delayed/extended schedule or to do none at all. Do your research and choose what is best for your family" wrote Elizabeth. Please...go check out her post!!!

Another ,in my opinion ,GREAT post about the world of vaccinations is at the Swanwood corner of the world...dated 10/05 (scroll down)

Day Care Can be Awesome

**FINALLY got the pictures up...dont why they were being such boogars**

I must say that I am glad we changed day cares. Even though it was an abrupt transition....it all worked out for the best. Grant LOVES his friends there. ITs great that he can hang with and learn from so many aged children. I much prefer that over the segregated day cares ...although im sure that has its benefits.

Hes got his baby friend Billy...who he ADORES. He loves to take care of him...and pull his pacifier out..put it back in...and on and on for days! He gives him lots of hugs and kisses to and pets his little head. He is very gentle surprisingly enough.



Then he has his best bud TJ. TJ was his friend before Day Care...and now they get to spend hours and hours every week being boys. TJ is 13 months old..so just a tad younger...but he is advanced with the walking and stuff...so they toddle along and keep up with each other similarly. Its too fun to watch them interact. CUTE STUFF.



Next he has his after school entourage. These are the 5 - 11 year olds that just LOVE Grant. I might add that Grant seems to be very popular hehe. They run in the door ...and he runs back at them for big hugs all around. Grant loves older kids he really does.



**Edited to add...here is grant with michael..who is 3...and who was very shy, timid only child just a few months ago when he started at Desiree's day care. However..he has taken the new kid grant under his wing...and has himself become more of a leader. Its wonderful to watch him tenderly teach grant his abcs and play with him in a brotherly way. They are true friends.



Grant no longer cries when he leaves for "school" in the morning. We sing the off to school song, hugs and kisses over and over between us 3 and then he is out the door as happy as a clam. No more crying! When I visit at lunch...and say goodbye....no crying! He is secure, settled and pleased to be there. Im worried I might be boring at home all day with him. We certainly will need to have play date when if I get to stay at home with him.

Point being...day care can be awesome! Just ask Grant.

Pregnancy induced ventral hernia

Does this picture remind you of an alien abduction? Does me.

Yesterday I visited briefly with a general surgeon who specializes in hernia repair. He confirmed what I already knew...that I have a hernia...just above my belly button. The only way to deal with it is to repair it with surgery....and even then its not 100% definite. There is a 5 - 15% chance it could re open and need more repair in the future. He wants to go in laproscopically and put a big piece of mesh, held down by titanium tacks, in my belly!

First off I want to say...honestly...im not out to bitch. Honestly...i dont want to pick apart doctors and the medical establishment. I dream of going to visit a doctor and coming out feeling educated and comforted.....but it rarely happens! This instance was no different. At first I was feeling great because they got me in early and the Dr was quickly in the room, shaking my hand, being cordial and friendly. Things were great! After a quick feelaroo...he started talking surgery. I had a lot of questions...its true. I showed my concern over jumping into surgery...and had questions about the actual procedure. I had questions about whether there were things i could do at home to help myself. I had questions about expense, general anesthesia, recovery time and any interruptions in nursing that may happen.....but before I was finished asking my questions...before I was comforted and educated...he STOOD UP and said to call him when I am ready! That was 10 minutes into our visit. So I only get 10 minutes for Im sure over $100 specialist charge? I only get 10 minutes and you want to cut me open and put a foreign piece of material inside of me to live forevermore (and these mesh pieces have been recalled in the past btw)? I was shaken up by the idea of surgery, with the idea of paralytic drugs that stop my organs from working while he sews me up...and the idea of being intubated and on a breathing machine...and my son was on my mind...i just have to come to him...and i was worried about pain meds and antibiotics that could disrupt nursing...and could disrupt my care of him and our time together....and here i was with all these emotions, concerns and valid questions...and HE WALKED OUT ON ME.

If I had my shit together...if I had my wits about me...I would have thrown a controlled and decent fit. However...i was weak at the time...i was tearful and felt alone and just confused...and so i just went to billing to ask questions about expense instead. I had to ask the receptionist what the next step would be IF i decided to go ahead with the surgery..and she said to call and talk with kathy. Kathy? Oh thats his nurse who NEVER bothered to stop in and introduce herself or talk with me. The receptionist acted surprised that I didnt know her. GREAT.

This was the second 40 minute one way trip I have taken to visit with this DR. The first time I took off work, sat in the waiting room for 1 hour just to find out that he had been called out for a trauma. Ok...thats legitimate...I mean it was very inconvenient for me...but dude...its a trauma situation. So yesterday was my second time to take off work drive 1.5 hours roundtrip to get the hernia confirmed (obvious) but more importantly to be consulted by a professional and get my fucking questions answered. Do I sound angst riddin? I am. I am sick and tired of dealing with assholes in the medical profession. Why cant they care? Why cant they be decent? Why cant they see me as a human being?

So sure....I probably need to shop around for a surgeon...and find one that is a decent human being...but how much time do i want to spend on this search? And how much money? The copay is $35 a pop. First...I continue to do my own search online (thank god for the internet...can you imagine how lost they felt before information was accessible?). I need to decide IF i want to go for surgery. Sounds like it is inevitable...because they tend to just get larger with time. There is no exercise that can fix it unfortunately.

I am scared. Honestly i know in the grand scheme of surgery...this is nothing! I mean...people (albeit crazy ass people ) sign up for elective surgery more complicated than this (like liposuction and boob jobs). But I am not those people. I avoid intervention when possible. However...its not an option in this case. The truth is...i need surgery. UGH. Being a mother puts everything into a spin...I just want to make sure and come home...and not disrupt his life...and not have complications etc etc. So I guess I need to find a humane surgeon who will hopefully perform the operation under local anesthesia (i would feel SOOO much better with this option!!!!!) or maybe a spinal (like a c section). I am just completely creeped out about the paralytic drugs and breathing machine)...oh and the mesh...but that seems to be a given. Will i ever be able to walk through a metal detector again with going off?




Oh he did say that its better to do this before getting pregnant again. Because if my intestines would become trapped and twisted during pregnancy..then i would need emergency surgery and that would put us both in jeopardy. NOT that I am going to pregnant...but its a tiny possibility... SHIT SHIT SHIT. this sucks! But it could always be worse. I AM SO BLESSED.

Anyone have any recommendations or know of an awesome surgeon? I am willing to travel.

Thanks for letting me bitch. Send me hugs please.

Co Sleeping Arrangements

What a fabulous weekend. My mom came up for a visit and dave left town so it was girl time (with the exception of grant but he is pretty like a girl). I knew i needed winter clothes so the plan was to get er done. Grant visited his first mall and he liked it...but as usual i detested it and remembered exactly why i dont frequent such places. However, I did load up on warm soft things and so the trip was well worth it.

I love seeing my mom with Grant. She is such a fun Grandma (or nana we think she is becoming). She loves and adores grant like i do and we have fun just enjoying him.

I took a picture of our sleeping arrangement for your viewing pleasure (entertainment). We took our king size mattress off the frame and box springs to be as close to the ground as possible. When grant falls off...I want it to be as short a vertical flight as possible. As some point I brought in his little crib mattress...with the grand idea of having him sleep on it next to us...and its still a grand idea...but we have yet to do it over night. Its just too much trouble moving him back over there after he nurses. However...it has turned into a delightful step / toy / fun place for granto. He digs it seriously. And a couple times it caught him on his way over board...so that was awesome. Thought you might enjoy a glimpse into my nightly quarters..i admit its slightly unique...although i do recommend sleeping with your babies and keeping the mattress low low low.

So off to work i go...must catch up on many things...hope to blog again soon!

Have a great day!

Communes in 2007

When you hear the word "commune" I bet you invision dirty hippies in the sixties smoking pot and living on love. Would it suprise you to find out that they are still going strong and there is a thriving community of forming and established communes?
Sure some of them probably live up to that stereotype, but most of them are doing great things, and offer a variety of altnerative lifestyles to those seeking change.

Once upon a time, I was a 20 year old who was very disappointed (ok completely overwhelmed and & pissed) with the condition of the planet and the state of humanity. We (dave, ex husband and myself) found an article in the Riverfront Times about communes and immediately knew we had to research this intriguing concept and visit as many as possible! I honestly thought communes were a thing of the past until we found that article! So we wrote letters, sold everything, packed the van and off we road into the sunset with the intentional community directory as our guide.

The term intentional community is a more apt desciption of these havens for free thinkers. They are in fact, intended. "An "intentional community" is a group of people who have chosen to live together with a common purpose, working cooperatively to create a lifestyle that reflects their shared core values. The people may live together on a piece of rural land, in a suburban home, or in an urban neighborhood, and they may share a single residence or live in a cluster of dwellings.

This definition spans a wide variety of groups, including (but not limited to) communes, ecovillages, student cooperatives, land co-ops, cohousing groups, monasteries and ashrams, kibbutzim, and farming collectives. Although quite diverse in philosophy and lifestyle, each of these groups places a high priority on fostering a sense of community--a feeling of belonging and mutual support that is increasingly hard to find in mainstream Western society."

Here is a video of one such commune that ROCKS. They were just a fledgling community when we were in the heat of our home search. Have you seen or if your lucky..tasted East Wind nut butters? Yum YUm. Well East Wind is you guessed it...a intentional community. And they got it going on too. You might be suprised how industrious some of them can be.

I want to stress that the variety of purpose is vast within the movement. There is everything from freakishly cultish (although not usual) to anarchy to miliant to gay to sustainability etc etc. If you can dream it you can do it. What I love about them as they offer another way to approach this life. IT doesnt have to be 9 - 5, white picket fence, owning 1 of everything. You can shake things up a bit and do it different.

So WHY...dont i live in a commune right now? There is a glimpse of the answer in my profile....but overal...its because Im not that good at living with people, and beyond that I found everything i cant stand about politics in community too. However...I never lived at one for more than 3 months...and I would also like to add that I was in an unhealthy relationship, was unstable myself and didnt have a dime...so that was scary. If you have a trust fund...it can be less stressful (unless of course you are in an income sharing group). There actually are a lot of trust funders doing the commune thing believe it or not. But thats besides the point. We might still give community another shot in the future. It would be one where you own your house and share common ground, work, events etc. The farm is a good example of residential land trust arrangement. An urban cooperative is another intriguing set up.

I must go for now...more to come!

mom and pup