Thursday, August 30, 2007


hand is healing at amazing speed...not in any pain...keeping it wrapped is annoying..but cleanliness keeps a good hand from going bad so we continue the ritual of wash, goo, wrap twice a day till the blisters burst, drain and heal.

its been quite a hectic and exhausting week ...starting off with a 3AM ER visit followed by a half day in KC at the specialist then on hump day i worked till 8:30 (with a break for toddler yoga! how fun indeed). today i am just worn thin. it may have been a mistake to encourage my folks to come up for a couple days...considering that on top of my exhaustion and a FILTHY DISASTER of a house, i am PMSing at full throttle. poor them.

grant is still not napping as regularly or for his usual 2+ hours at the new day care (desiree's) but he is having a good/quality time: he plays outdoors a lot everyday (which he barely got to do at neals), watches about 1/10th as much television and eats healthy, home cooked meals. oh and there are 2 women providing care the ratio of kid to adult is like 3:1 right now (will never exceed 6:1) so thats a huge improvement. overall it IS a better place...oh and the commute is spoiling us! its only 1/4 of a mile away from our house...4 minutes from my work. so i have been spending my lunch hour playing with him...and then not picking him up to come back to work with me. basically...the in and out of car seats(4 times in 1 hour)in the heat at the end of my day when im tired and stressed started loosing its appeal. and now that i am spending even higher quality time with him at lunch...we get our fix. i figure he and I are less stressed by the arrangement. i can still bring him in whenever i feel like it....but for now this is working wonderfully.

big news flash (ok...just for me but still). IM NOT PUMPING ANYMORE. its true. sorta happened by combo with the fact that grant was going down for nap with water or a water/juice mix. im nursing him during our lunch he is still getting the bonus nutrition...but this way i dont have to PUMP!!!! SWEET FREEDOM!!!! the day has finally come to hang up the horns (or HUTH as they say on pump moms) hehe.

i want to write about the drs visit...but feel this post is too long already. will summons more finger strength and plan to post tomorrow.

MUCH LOVE! have a great day. pic is of grant looking up at me at a few days old

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

broiler hoof

posted not to elicit sympathy but to explain what im dealing with. taken with my shitty phone so excuse the quality. its healing wonderfully and i am barely on pain meds! dave wraps it twice a day and is getting quite skillful. grant thinks its a stuffed toy...ummm. NOT!

great visit with pediatric allergy/asthma specialist today. will tell all soon!

Monday, August 27, 2007

Friday, August 24, 2007

fine lines

no not the ones on my face...the kind that blur the distinction between truth and non truth....between reality and tripping...between intent and effect.

my parenting style is pretty much child led. now i will say that before having a child of my own...i would have thought this insane. my pre child mentality was that children were little animals in need of training. i sure didnt want one of those kids who make you want to run away and hide (aka holy terrors). but I now believe that their instincts generally direct them to not just survive but to thrive. why does a baby cry? why does a baby want to be held and cuddled? why does a baby want to nurse and even just use mama as a pacifier (which i swore i wouldnt become but have)? i believe that babies need to be just that babies...and we need to allow them that space. the hope is that nurturing them in the way they desire...will give them a foundation of security and place that will serve them for life. i wonder how the world would change if the majority of humans on earth were given respect from day one....imagine.

on the other hand...where does that dreaded term "spoiling" start? even though i feel like i am being a good mother when i tend to his little cries of... " awake and ive tossed around for a bit and cant get back to sleep...will you come comfort me and even let me use you as a pacifier for a while?", every once in a while (usually after someone has dissed this practice) i second guess myself. but why should i let him cry? do i even need to train him to sleep all night without help? i will say that my child seems to wake up ALOT more than other kids his age. my thinking is that its probably related to his "allergies" or what have you. but then again..i dont truly know what their habits are. am i conditioning him to wake more often so he can get mama nurturing / attention? possibly. is this a problem? only when i want to sleep for more than 3 hours at a time...or get away from the house in the evenings. i figure i will only have a baby for a short time in my serving him in this way is not a big deal. maybe i want to selective spoil...hmmm...never thought of that. if conditioning your child to know without a doubt that he can count on much that he doesnt even need to scream or barely cry and she is there within spoiling...then i guess sign me up.

i do let grant take falls and get hurt a bit and cry without rushing to his side - when he needs more comforting he comes to me. crying can be "baby cussing"...where they just want to complain and make sure you are aware of the incident before moving on. ive been proud of myself for holding back and letting him sort it out. problem solving of sorts. however...i listen to his cries to let me know how hurt he is...and if "the one" is heard...i do rush to his side. mothering is about communication with your child(ren).

so will my intent, my mothering style pay off? what will the effect be? will i end up with a holy terror? or will i raise a happy, secure and loving person? maybe a bit of both. its the gamble you take with any parenting philosophy. and there is a huge amount of luck that plays into it as well. for now though...i will continue following my instincts (and grant's), laughing at cultural norms and enjoying every second of this precious time...even as my fine lines keep multiplying.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Elisa or Rast?

Oh my....i have yet to make the decision on which allergy testing method to have done on grant. if i was the kind of mom who just went to a traditional doc and let them make all the decisions....i wouldnt have to think twice. but fortunately...i have enough since not to treat doctors like they are gods...and realize that i need to be an active part in my and my families health care.

From what i understand to be true, i am leaning towards the ELISA test bc it is more comprehensive, testing for over 340 environmental and food allergies, as well as testing for delayed reaction! and that is key, bc grant doesnt seem to have immediate reactions to things. Rast on the other hand tests for immediate reactions of fewer things. Rast is however more covered on my insurance (pays half after deductible...which lucky me is already met. That will prolly cost us about $175 out of pocket. Elisa is not covered through insurance, as it is a newer test that doesnt have full mainstream credibility, and will cost around $400 out of pocket.I have to go through the naturopath dr to get this test (although there is one traditional dr in the kc area who does it)

if you are intrigued by the elisa please check out this short comparison article

Our appointment at Children's Mercy allergy/asthma clinic is set for next tuesday (8/28). we scheduled it over a month ago (it takes that long to get in!). I was hoping that the naturopath would have us heading in the right direction by now...but he wanted to investigate with the elisa first...and i havent returned bc i needed to figure out funding and make sure i agreed with the process (i dont automatically trust alternative medicine either). so long story short...i need to decide by tuesday if i want the rast (which is what they will do at children's mercy) or the elisa...or both? Is that so wrong? Thats alot of blood to take. Maybe we could do rast first and see if that gives us answers that improve grants quality of life. If it doesnt we can move in with 4 bills and go up a notch. UGH.

And the final juggernaut is that allergy testing if very full of errors and false positives etc. the whole thing is sorta of scam. it works for some...but most find it less than accurate. i know people who have done 3 different allergy tests...with different reactions in each. its crazy!even we had questionable results with the skin testing (remember bananas and beef?). which hasnt helped him overall. however...for parents who are desperate to help their kids....we will try most anything (within reason). maybe we will be one of those families that has luck with the rast! its worth a shot at least.

being a parent is soo tres grey - why cant things be black and white? grrrr

Sunday, August 19, 2007


Its Sunday...and my boys are sleeping peacefully in the other room. A midday nap for one and a sleep in for the other...its a good thing. I just got back from picking up the toppings from sonic for the big ice cream social planned for 7-8pm tonight. However the sky looks grey and although the temp is afraid we may have another wash out on our hands. oh well...thats the gamble with outdoor cant control mother nature. i just hope that if its going to starts before 6:30...instead of waiting till 7 on the dot as she did in 2006. thunder and lightening and even flash floods blessed us last year.

grant tried kiwi fruit for the first time today...and gave it a good try...but started throwing it overboard before slice 2. he did however eat half an avocado...and a bowl of rice krispies.

tomorrow begins a new era for grant....we changed day care....and now he will be with my friend in the neighborhood...desiree. she has a day care in her home and is in the process of being liscensed. i guess i feel about as good as i can...although i do not feel good in general. i know she will take good care of him...but i guess bc i am a first time mom...i can find fault. the great news is that we have a plan..and the transition...albeit sudden and quick...has some familiarity. she is someone he knows...has been in the house several times...and is actually friends with her son who is 2.5 months younger (but can keep up with grant!). my heart breaks for neal..and for grant who is so very attached to her. i wanted nothing more than to give him a stable environment..and to not skip around...but the blessing in disguise here is that we were able to make a decision before anything happened to grant. i will just say that..we decided to take him out of neals bc of her husband. it just wasnt the environment we expected.

so please send out good energy to little grant tomorrow...while he adjusts to his new life. we did hang out there friday for a couple hours...getting the feel for it...and he didnt hardly cry but for 20 seconds when i left (to see his reaction). its times like these i want nothing more than to be a sahm.

dave and i have decided to have a yard sale this fall. time to DECLUTTER! its getting rediculous. and i just dont know whether to hold on to baby stuff or let it go. the old saying soon as you get rid of it you get maybe i should hold on to it :)

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

reality check

this Iraqi mother has just lost her husband (an Iraqi policeman). I dont allow myself to be innundated with these images...but do find a duty of sorts in i can stay aware of 1)how precious life is 2)the need for advocacy and activism and 3)my own privaledge. The reality is....war is hell. In whatever way you see fit...please pray for all who are suffering.

i captured the image from another blog...which has a great write up on breastfeeding in iraq.

musical boy

Tuesday, August 14, 2007


Grant found his nose! He points to it (mighty adorable I must add) when asked where it is. He also will find yours for you (if he is in the mood). Next up: mouth, eyes and ears of course. and I thought dog tricks were cute.

also on the agenda: animals sounds. Presently we are barking like a dog.

Grant had another one of his little adventures the other day. we had the fridge out a bit bc a pie had slipped from my mother's hands and made a huge mess (another story entirely but the old rug sadi had a lot to do with that misfortune) so we had plans to clean behind there. well grant started cleaning without us...had his little broom (a favorite toy) diggin behind it. he was v content playing over there...hmmm.

so i sit him up on my lap to enjoy a bite to eat and as i peer into his little mouth i think i see a glimmer of silver. i feel all around in there - didnt find anything. offer him a bite and BAM he spits out a shiney silver TACK! yes a tack. he had been chewing and playing with a sharp, large tack. THANK GOD he didnt swallow it! my heart jumped outta my chest as i grabbed it quickly in disbelief. ugh. he apparently found the lone tack that fell before he was even conceived. thanks grant. chaulk another one up for mamas high blood pressure.

did i mention my kid is a great and creative dancer? man i gotta capture a good episode. its soo hilarious!

oh and he plays the harmonica...usually the blues...little belley going in and out. too cute.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Friday, August 10, 2007


Im ticked off right now. My day care provider did not call to tell me that she has been without air conditioning since NOON! Its now 2:30! Not only are they without air conditioning, but without water as well (because their well has an electric pump). She told me Grant was sweating profusely and maybe he should be picked up soon. Yes, our species survived thousands of years without air conditioning, but my son is not adapted to the heat and I could have easily had him here with me if I had only known. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Would you be ticked off? Im going to tell her to call me if anything like this ever happens again. I want to be informed. I expect that things are running at 100% if I dont hear otherwise. GRRRRRRRRRRRRr.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Happy 13 months old Granto

Fridays visit with the Naturopath was FRANTIC, CHAOTIC & downright MISERABLE for old mom. See....Grant had decided this was the perfect place to fight for his right to party. Someone must have told him anarchy was cool (sarah swan you are in trouble). i was sweating bullets by the time we walked out of there and in need of a good cry...which i promptly allowed myself once in the safety and relative soundproof capsule of our van.

Unfortunately all the questions i wanted to ask escaped me as i ran around after grant...keeping him out of the potted plants, from shredding the fancy scrolls and zillions of thick books that doctors read. Instead of being coherant and poised, i was either listening to a screaming child (bc i was holding him) or trying to keep him from typing on the keyboard. Turns out this office was absolutely NOT child proof and not even child friendly i am afraid. The Dr was very calm (unlike the tickin time bomb that i became)and was fine with grant playing with his books ...but he did say that grant seemed very hyper and that was most likely from allergies.

I will say that grant is a very industrious child...but he isnt as hyper as he was in that cage of an office very much. He was on fire!

SOOOOO...what my $155 got me was a naturopath dr who says he would like to investigate what is at the root of my child's health challenges. He thinks most likely (and hopefully) it is food based allergies and intolerances. Even reflux is caused by allergies in his mind. First place we stop on our investigation is blood allergy testing. Whats cool is he has his own lab and does the work in house. He doesnt feel comfortable taking grants blood though (left it up to me) so we are going elsewhere for a pediatric nurse to do that. What i need to decide is whether i want to pay the $330 fee for him to do it or try and go in network and have a similar test done elsewhere. UGH. I wish oh wish that we had avoided the silly scratch tests and just gone straight to the blood (for more accurate if still not perfect tests). The exciting part is that maybe we can start to get a clearer picture of whats going on with little guy...and start avoiding these all to frequent respiratory challenges! I just need to make an informed and educated decision. My heart is telling me to stick with the naturopath all the way...but my wallet is saying HELP.

After I recoverd from the madness of the dr visit.....the weekend actually became quite lovely. Grant, dad and i were super close and loving and had some fun. We even managed to make it to the kansas city art museum which has been on my to do list for 3 years!

Grant is really not a beast. However, I did start implementing a time out. Any recommendations for what to do when a 13 month old (today) does not listen to no, does not accept distractions, and laughs when i get down on his level, look him in the eye, takes his little hands in mine and say "grant this is a no no, lets go to plan b etc)???? well i have started putting him in time out for 1 minute. i have yet to see if this actually works at all...but it is a start. i really just dont know what to do....he cannot play electrical plugs and outlets...and like i said ....distractions usually dont work...he just makes a bee line back to the "no". using other words hasnt helped either. he doesnt need to be "naughty' for attention thats for sure so whats your opinion?

Parents coming in today. Going to visit with us and attend the amazing entertainment that we call the Leavenworth County Fair hehe. Sounds like a lot of sweat, stink & yee haws to me.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

World Breastfeeding Week!

From August 1st-7th people around the world will come together to uplift, support and educate moms about the importance of breastfeeding, especially during that crucial first hour. Breast is best!

I want to encourage you to become familiar with the International Breastfeeding Symbol and the activist kit put together by the team at Mothering.

The International Breastfeeding Symbol was designed by Matt Daigle and has been given over to the public domain so anyone and everyone is free to use it.

From the Mothering Site:

What is the purpose of the International Breastfeeding Symbol?

To increase public awareness of breastfeeding
To designate breastfeeding and family friendly facilities in public.
To provide an alternative to the use of the image of a baby bottle

Where can the symbol be used?

In large public places where people stay for extended periods of time. In airports, malls, amusement parks, conferences, convention halls, or expos, for example, to designate a breastfeeding friendly room.

In professional offices, retail stores or restaurants to designate the establishment as breastfeeding friendly.

In businesses, to designate a lactation room.

Does the existence of the symbol mean that breastfeeding should be hidden?

No, of course, breastfeeding should not be hidden. Breastfeeding does not require a special place and is appropriate—as the Canadian slogan says—"anytime, anywhere." The purpose of the symbol is not to segregate breastfeeding, but to help integrate it into society by better accommodating it in public.

For example, sometimes there are no chairs in public, sometimes nowhere to change the baby, or for the mother separated from her baby, nowhere to plug in an electric breast pump. Mothers welcome quiet, private places in public where they can collect themselves and their children. The symbol could designate these kinds of places.

What can YOU do with the symbol?

Well, if you own a business, you can post it to make it clear that you support the right of mothers to nurse on your property. If you know someone who owns a business, you can suggest that they post it for the same reason.

If you're really bold, you could visit some local restaurants, coffee shops, book stores and so on and encourage the management or the owners to post the symbol as well.

WHAT A WONDERFUL IDEA! pass it on :) man i can remember those early days of breastfeeding where i would have been estatic to find the sign! it was so hard back then to get a latch much less be semi discreet! Its exciting to see our society evolve and embrace something as natural, normal & essential as nursing a child.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

all in a week

so you may ask yourself...self..i wonder what grant has been up to this week? hmmmmmmmm......well....ALOT

stubbed toe for the first time...and it isnt healing bc he re injures it

ate dog poop...YES....ate dog poop...mother lovely old ladies (13.5 year old dogs) leave little "milk duds" for me every month or so...for some reason they only lay these raunchy hard(bite size) eggs in the light of a new i awake to find them between my toes....well i guess one day this week i didnt find them...but guess who did? my son starts to cough (he has been sickish) and then he starts to hard cold wretching (no pic sorry)...and then the exorcism begins....a mouth full of black/brown/frothy/mucousy (hope your not eating)stuff comes up and i grab a towel to help first i was worried it was dried blood...i was honestly freaked out...wish i had a video of my face...then i gave it a sniff and holy bejeezus...its DOG POOP. it was rediculous. thank god his body had enough since to get rid of it (or try to ...i know he digested a good portion). oh the joys of child mobility combined with ancient mutts.

so surely that is all your delightful, charming, advanced (hehe) & curious (i mean that in a nice way) son has been up to this week right mama? NO...indeed

feasting on spaghetti the other night....he coughed and landed a piece in his sinuses. he was rubbing his face hard and making crazy tickly insane grimaces. we figured something was up there..didnt know exactly what item or how large. i took him out into the sun to help him sneeze no luck. after being back inside for about 3 minutes KABOOM...the sneeze of the century and out came about a 1/4 cup of snot mixed with the culprit...............a get this....3 inch noodle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wonder that tickled....and mama tries to cut up the pieces smaller...but i swear...oh well. i had to pick the piece out of the kleenex just to see the enormity of it! how disgusting right hehe.

other than that he just has a yeast infection on his bumm which drives him crazy...oh and he is teething (2 coming in)...and then of course theres the cough, wheezing and labored breath so needless to say....he has been quite bored this week.