Friday, August 24, 2007
no not the ones on my face...the kind that blur the distinction between truth and non truth....between reality and tripping...between intent and effect.
my parenting style is pretty much child led. now i will say that before having a child of my own...i would have thought this insane. my pre child mentality was that children were little animals in need of training. i sure didnt want one of those kids who make you want to run away and hide (aka holy terrors). but I now believe that their instincts generally direct them to not just survive but to thrive. why does a baby cry? why does a baby want to be held and cuddled? why does a baby want to nurse and even just use mama as a pacifier (which i swore i wouldnt become but have)? i believe that babies need to be just that babies...and we need to allow them that space. the hope is that nurturing them in the way they desire...will give them a foundation of security and place that will serve them for life. i wonder how the world would change if the majority of humans on earth were given respect from day one....imagine.
on the other hand...where does that dreaded term "spoiling" start? even though i feel like i am being a good mother when i tend to his little cries of... "mama...im awake and ive tossed around for a bit and cant get back to sleep...will you come comfort me and even let me use you as a pacifier for a while?", every once in a while (usually after someone has dissed this practice) i second guess myself. but why should i let him cry? do i even need to train him to sleep all night without help? i will say that my child seems to wake up ALOT more than other kids his age. my thinking is that its probably related to his "allergies" or what have you. but then again..i dont truly know what their habits are. am i conditioning him to wake more often so he can get mama nurturing / attention? possibly. is this a problem? only when i want to sleep for more than 3 hours at a time...or get away from the house in the evenings. i figure i will only have a baby for a short time in my life...so serving him in this way is not a big deal. maybe i want to selective spoil...hmmm...never thought of that. if conditioning your child to know without a doubt that he can count on mama..so much that he doesnt even need to scream or barely cry and she is there within seconds...is spoiling...then i guess sign me up.
i do let grant take falls and get hurt a bit and cry without rushing to his side - when he needs more comforting he comes to me. crying can be "baby cussing"...where they just want to complain and make sure you are aware of the incident before moving on. ive been proud of myself for holding back and letting him sort it out. problem solving of sorts. however...i listen to his cries to let me know how hurt he is...and if "the one" is heard...i do rush to his side. mothering is about communication with your child(ren).
so will my intent, my mothering style pay off? what will the effect be? will i end up with a holy terror? or will i raise a happy, secure and loving person? maybe a bit of both. its the gamble you take with any parenting philosophy. and there is a huge amount of luck that plays into it as well. for now though...i will continue following my instincts (and grant's), laughing at cultural norms and enjoying every second of this precious time...even as my fine lines keep multiplying.