Monday, April 21, 2008

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

How about this timing. For months...literally months...I have been anxiously awaiting a certain job opening to be announced. The resume paper had been purchased and the agency has been in contact with me regarding their plans. They want me!

So this morning there is was. My personal email from the Director letting me know the job had been officially opened. My heart sank. Sure I like the sound of advancing my career, of making more money, of the status and networking the job would afford me. HOWEVER....I HAVE A TODDLER. No other time in my life will I HAVE A TODDLER. Grant is our only child and unless divine intervention occurs...he will always be our only child.

I have completely been riding the fence. I was going to apply for the job and then if I did not get it (rare chance) then I would be ecstatic to be a full time mommy and part time dabbler (got to bring in enough $$ to pay for insurance and any expendable cash). Sometimes I got excited about the job...usually when I was checking out the housing market (and wanted a nice big place). Other times, when Grant was being a hellion....I would day dream about the escape that career offers. However, when dealing with my day care provider today, the issue became clearer than ever for me.

Listen to this. day care provider and awesome. I love that she encourages the kids to be outside as much as possible and allows them to get messy and experience the world. However...she is a bit irresponsible (remember the somersault gone wrong?) and scattered. Example A - even though her aide's last day was she decides to walk the mile to the playground by herself! So that is one adult and 11 kids. Illegal YES. Ridiculous YES. Did I mention she is 7 months prego?

I dropped by the park to visit my son and was stressed out the whole time. The playground is suited for BIG KIDS...yet of course he wants to climb to the tallest point and play. It just makes me a nervous wreck and I set limits. I told her my limits and expect her to abide by them. But tell can 1 women keep her eyes on 11 kids? SHE CANT. ITS IMPOSSIBLE. Its not safe.

So yes I will talk to her about my expectation when I go there later on today. But the bigger point here is matter how good day care is...its not as good as MOM. There is always some concern. If the house sells as the contract lists...then as of June 1 - I am a free woman. No other time in my life will I have this raise my son as I see fit 24 hours a day. I am tired of leaving him with someone else. There is plenty of time for that later on.

Will we be poor? YES! Will I be able to adjust to the demands of staying at home with a toddler? Hopefully! Will we be happy? Hopefully! But least we get the chance to see...instead of always wishing and wondering...and potentially regretting.

Suppose I just gave someone else a real shot at that big fancy job. Its somebodies lucky day :). Now I gotta break the news the the agency ...and my husband.


Lorie said...

Sounds like you would really enjoy that new position ... and that's great. However, it also sounds as if your current daycare provider isn't so good. The extra money you might make in the new position might have to be spent on a better daycare situation. It's a hard choice, I know.

Alexandra said...

That's a tough decision! I think you should go for the job. Not every Daycare Provider is the same. Also, moving to a new city, being in a daycare would be easier for grant to make new friends. I'm a stay-at-home mom since matthew was born. I love spending time with my kid but lots of times matthew will get so bored having to spend all day with me. I don't blame him, I get the itch to go get me a job all the time. Unfortunately none of the daycares in this town ever have a spot open. If you don't apply for the Job you may ask yourself all the time what would have been if you gotten it. If you apply and you don't get it.Hey,great at least you tried,right?


If you need to work outside the home, I would say get a new daycare and take the job.

If you do not need to work outside the home, I say stay at home with your son. Join some mom groups and play groups. Build your relationship with your child and enjoy this time in your life. You only live once. He's only young once and then they're gone to live their lives.

Good luck to you. :-)
The Mom With Brownies

Anonymous said...

Go for home with Grant during this time precious time!

I gave up my job/career when my son was 1 (we even gave up health insurance for a short bit), BUT I also watched one other child about his brought in extra money and allowed me to be able to stay home with him. Of course, it eventually turned full on daycare when friends had babies and needed care. My point being...I was home with him, making money and doing the fun things I wanted to do with him and be there for all those great experiences! 12 years later...I'm CONVINCED he is better off because of it.

Money is money...yeah, you need to survive, but you can make some lifestyle adjustments and make it work...needs vs. wants. Your career will be there when you decide to persue it're great at what you do!


P.S. As a former child care provider, I can NOT believe that she would be THAT irresponible with 11 kids! Granted, a good portion of those are school age (I assume she's licensed and there is no school today), but she is over numbers (a NO NO) and taking risk with being that far from home with that many children.

Paula said...

Thanks for your advice ladies. I appreciate your outlook. did you know school was out yesterday? Are you in my IRL community? But was out and 3 of the 11 are school agers...still leaving 8 children age 4 and under. Lets see...there is one 7 month old, 2 / 1 year olds / 2 / 2 year olds / and 3 / 3 year olds. She was using her school agers ( 5, 6 & 8 year olds) to help her...but mostly they were just playing. Oh and she brought her dog too! Just to add to the fun :). I love her dearly...but you can not be TOO cautious with other people's children!

Thanks again.

Dette | Dance of Motherhood said...

Ooh girl - that IS a tough one... but it almost sounds like you might've made your decision already...?

I just put up a post on my blog in response to this. I started typing my comments here, but it triggered a lot of thoughts as well...

Keep us posted on what you decide, k? :)

Anonymous said...

8 kids is still 2 over what the state allows if she is licensed as a home child care provider...I don't think those rules have changed over the last few years.

I don't know what an IRL community is as I am new to this blog thing.


Good luck on your new can make it work and you'll look back with nothing but great memories and a happy heart!

PlanningQueen said...

I decided to resign after baby number two. I had been on maternity leave for a year and I fretted over what I was going to do for the last three months of it. Once I told my boss that I was resiging, I felt a massive weight off my shoulders. Making the decision is often the hardest part - you can move on in your new direction which ever way it is, once you have made it. Good Luck!
(PS. I have been at home now for 7 years and have never regretted my decision.)

baby~amore' said...

tough decision but I would have to agree - be poor and happy with the gorgeous Grant ... he won't remember how much money you had or didn't have but he will remember his Mummy playing with him every day.