Negativity & Dire Consequences

Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you I am an optimist. I come off as a happy person...above average type of happy. Smiles come naturally and I have the innate ability to make people feel good. Problem is....my mind is many times cluttered with negativity!

I allow a TON of negative inner dialogue. Blame could be cast on my father...who has always been a complainer...but why should I do such a thing? This is my life and my choices determine my happiness. I have noticed that the "devil on my shoulder" has become louder in the past few years..even since my son Grant was born. What does the "devil" say? Well he plants the seeds of doubt, fear and defensiveness. Many times I feel that my husband or whomever is treating me unfairly. Other times I am fearful about my son's health or any number of uncontrolable variables. Anxiety pulses through my veins. There are plenty of times when I feel completely overwhelmed and feel very close to being out of control.

I have analyzed the situation throughout the years...and I have tried to work on it. Here again I am recommiting to the cause. I do NOT want to be a bitter old woman...and that is exactly where I am headed. Negative dialogue is truly a "sin"...truly a dis ease...truly a sucker of life. A void...a vacuum...a self inflicted nightmare.

As I was walking on the treadmill yesterday, I saw an article in the Oprah magazine about how feeling slighted actually takes years off your life. It is very unhealthy to walk around in a defensive state! No surprise really. They also talked about a newly defined personality...the D personality...detached and distant due to fear and resentment. That doesnt explain me....but the whole story really brought my own many times hidden, negativy to the surface.

I do not want to be unhappy! I fully understand that my happiness is up to ME. I am now taking charge of my inner dialogue and will no longer allow dis ease to poison my thoughts, my heart, my life. I also challenge you to pay more attention to the private life you live within your own mind. Could it be more positive? If so take the time to listen to yourself & counteract each negative thought with a postive one (or two). I also plan to recite positive mantras whenever I have a few moments of time..like when driving or cleaning etc. Those blank slate kind of times are fertile grounds for both positive and unfortunatley negative thoughts to plant and grow.

Here is to a more positive existence! Things are good, life is good, I am good and as they said on Saturday Night Live...I am OK and people like me hehehe.

**edited to add...How timely to receive this daily Buddhist wisdom today, from my beliefnet subscription....


Delight in heedfulness.
Watch over your own mind.
Lift yourself up
from the hard-going way,
like a tusker sunk in the mud.

-Dhammapada, 327, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu