I belived that having children was a selfish act since I was 10 years old. Seriously. Thats pretty heavy for a 10 year old i admit. And i felt that adopting was the way to go...for there are plenty of innocent children who yearn to be loved, who needed to be home. Birthing a child when there were so many already available...would be like ordering a pure bred puppy when there are 1000s of unwanted animals being killed everyday. (i have 2 pound puppies but obviously decided to be selfish therefore had grant).
"A" came into our lives like a sudden summer thunderstorm, a welcome surprise, refreshing and so very exciting! Around 2pm I got the call; would we be willing to take a newborn? Ummm...I stuttered...im not sure...we dont have anything for a baby...and i wondered if we would know what to do with her. So i called my council...first my mom and then daves mom. Should we do it? I knew I wanted to...but i was nervous. But then i had the light bulb moment..and i knew she should come home with us! So i called back quickly and said PLEASE bring her! 2 hours later she was delivered to our doorstep. Dave had made a quick run to the store for supplies. He asked the matriarchs there what he would need for a newborn hehe. Smart thinkin.
There she was in her newborn glory. Tiny little warm thing. She was a pink bundle of love that had been born only 4 days before. It was truly surreal to pick her up and realize she was staying with us! Of course the bittersweet reality...was that she wasnt with her biological mom, so social services had placed her with a foster family for an unknown length of time. WE were that foster family. SHE was our first placement.
It had taken us 10 months to jump over all the hurdles - classes, home visits, inspection and then finally certification and then...the call we had been waiting for. Dave and I had ventured into the world of foster parenting hoping to help a child get through a difficult time in their lives. We never expected to have a newborn in our hands...but low and behold he she was completely innocent, vulnerable and perfect.
I was so ecstatic. We had a baby and we fell immediately in love. Even though I kept reminding myself...that this was NOT my baby and she would be going home someday...it was useless. As soon as we got that call that she would be reunited with her mother...i just lost it. Sure, that is the whole point of temporary placement...getting back with their family...but my heart doesnt understand that kinda rationale. The hardest part was that the mother wasnt truly ready to care for the baby. Turns out that the state separated her from her baby bc she was not on her psychiatric meds and they wanted her to get balanced again before handing the baby over to her. First I give the mom props for choosing to get off them because she was pregnant and didnt want to hurt the baby. Second I was irate at the judge. Why steal someone's baby just to turn around and say...oh we really didnt mean it. The mother was not stable when the baby was returned. That made it very difficult.
However, after just 7 days in our hearts and home, little A was going home. We asked if we could take her there and was granted permission. So dave and I drove north and brought baby A to her mama. We were greeted with "Hallelujah My Baby is Home!". She was so very happy to have her baby back indeed. She hugged and thanked us. Unfortunately the situation wasnt ideal, which made it harder on us really. We kissed A goodbye and both of us bawled hard core all the way home. I had never seen dh cry like that before.
She touched our hearts in a way that no one else ever could. To have a baby drop down from heaven like that really takes your breath away. We learned from her that we could indeed care for a baby, and were darn good at it. We learned from her that love overrules reason and rationale. We learned from her we wanted a baby of our own.
I have the utmost respect for foster parents. They are truly unsung heroes. Falling in love with children knowing that they could leave at any moment...is sooo taxing! and of course most children in the system are not innocent newborns, they come with heavy baggage. These children require extra special attention, love, rewiring and behavior modification. Even though this job is one of the hardest on earth, it is so necessary that people step up! When these children dont receive interim care in a real home, they are raised in institutions. Children who do not feel wanted and loved, become the criminals we all have to deal with. So the fact here is that, it IS our problem. I encourage you to consider foster parenting...at least at some point in your life. It is meaningful work indeed.
We did get placed with a second child. He was 12 years old and had just entered the system. His mom had abandoned the family for her first love - drugs,and dad was not raising them adequately. Anyhoo...that a WHOLE nother post...bc WHOA was it different than a newborn holy cats.
Dave and I have are not taking foster children at this time. We definitely think it is something we will do again when grant leaves home. Having more parental experience will certainly be a benefit.
Dear "A", I still love and miss you dear girl.