Alive & Kickin

Grant is sharing my liquid breakfast with me


It is Saturday morning. Friday was a very strange day..spent at St. Francis hospital waiting around, being asked the same questions repeatedly, being poked and prodded and finally sliced open, repaired, sewed up and sent home. Weird stuff.

But everything went GREAT! The hospital was clean and small and friendly. They never kept me waiting endlessly without word. They honored my requests and just overall...it was decent i am very happy to report. My strategy for anxiety control..was just to not allow myself to think about the operation. It worked very well. I had done all the research and worst case scenario drills weeks prior. Now it was just time to lay back and enjoy the process if that is possible. Oh and it is actually.

Acting a stupid


The great news is she didnt need to use mesh so I am still 100% flesh and bone. It was nice and small and tidy. They used MAC anesthesia on me...which ROCKS by the way. They dont use it very much for some odd reason...but it is PERFECT for small surgeries. Its the same drug as general anesthesia....except they just dont give me enough to stop my breathing. The strangest thing that happened was when I could FEEL THE OPERATION so I said.."um....I can freaking feel that" and boom...the lights went out. Next thing I knew the surgery was over and I was getting ready to leave the operative suite. That is so cool though...that I was already recovered before leaving the place! Rock on.

im so freakin hungry i could eat a nurse


Honestly...I was ready to leave by the time I was back in my 24 hour room as they call it. There was no real recovery time. General A you need lots of that. I am really pleased with MAC and am so very very glad that I found it. Yes its not exactly just local a like i had originally thought. But thank god it wasnt because I COULD STILL FEEL the pain under local.

Only bad news is that Im allergic to Vicodin i guess...big rash and a nights worth of mad itching! So now I get to retry Darvocet which made me vomit when i was a teen.

Feeling Sexy


Grant is handing the "boo boo" very well. He likes to put the ice bag on and console me. Unfortunately the little man is sick with a respiratory thingy. Started like croup..with the barking suddenly Thursday night. Now it is a wet and painful cough with runny nose and I believe aches and pains. So he is struggling to be the happy camper I know him to be. He sure is glad Nana and Papa are here though! He LOVEs them so much and I love to watch them interact. It is a beautiful thing and I am so very glad they are here...cause i am SOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEE :)

the best nurse in the world..my mama


my dada


Happy weekend!

27 hours till they cut me open

I have been a very good girl about not worrying about my hernia repair tomorrow. However, the hospital called this morning for my pre op interview...and all those questions and all that information gave me the willies. She was like...we have you down for general anesthesia...i was like...no you di int...and she was like...well i better call your dr...and i was like ...ya you bet ter. its all good though because it did say that I was scheduled for MAC...which after a little investigation revealed that it is a sedative that just reduces anxiety and puts you to sleep but doesnt shut you down. A part of me doesnt want it...but the other part says...garsh paula...just take the easy road for once in your life. so party is on! going to get wasted tomorrow at 2PM hopefully i wont remember a thing.

they are going to do a quantitative blood test to start the show. remember our little pregnancy test 101 a month ago? this is to just make sure i am not prego (bc we are not on birth control...but im not expecting to be or anything). then they start an IV. then they give me an antibiotic (great). then they give me a mild sedative (to shut me up i am guessing). then i give my mom a big hug (and try not to cry and make her sad...but if she starts it..then im hopeless...but im betting she will be super woman strong so as not to upset me hehe)and they roll me on down to the operative suite. sounds lovely doesnt it? i hope there is champagne and a whirlpool overlooking the ocean. next thing i should see...my mom loving face and a ticket outta there. fingers crossed everything goes perfect..and i can be back at home with my son by 7 PM.

I am confident that the surgeon will be well rested tommorrow. I am confident I will heal quickly. I am confident there will be no complications. There hows that for a mantra?

So wish me luck peeps. I just want to get home and be with my son.

Did i mention he is ADORABLE? He tickles now...tickle tickle tickle he says as his little fingers lightly tickle you..and seriously...it TICKLES!!! light tickles are more tickly than hard tickles i think. what about you?




Nana and Papa are on there way...should arrive by 3PM this afternoon. I cant WAIT to see them...and show off my son. They will be very helpful during the recovery too.

Peace out

Found a Surgeon!

Had my second surgeon interview on wednesday. After being severely disappointed with the first asshole doctor....it was a necessity to keep on doling out $35 co pays lookin. Talked with the kind and wise folks at the birth center where i delivered grant paul - they referred me to this new doc, saying if anyone would do it my way...she would. Drove 50 minutes west, sat down with the dr sears discipline book and waited to meet my master her.

It was GREAT. Her nurse practioner is adorable, sweet and kind...even empathetic! They have no problems atall performing the hernia surgery under local anasthesia! Its small enough to do it. And to think the first doc would not even consider it! Hmmm...there must be lots more money in laproscopic procedures...derr. As a recap...the orginal quack spent 10 minutes answering my questions only to walk out on me before i was finished..and refused to consider doing the surgery with less than general anasthesia, intubation and paralytic drugs! Wow....this is a major shift..and i couldnt be happier!

So now we are scheduling...prolly going to get er done the week before xmas. That way i can heal on holiday pay.

Back in the Saddle Again

well im back at work...back in the groove...back in my comfortable if not somewhat predictable and boring routine. im feeling better (emotionally) today. physically...i feel like a truck ran over my midsection and my crotch is going to fall out.

but besides that...hey the sun is out and my kid is brillant and my husband is faithful and adores me...so im on cloud nine.

speaking of my son's mind...he amazed me over thanksgiving. my mom showed him how to twirl his beloved ho (the plastic garden variety but jokes are a plenty)...hand over hand like a baton. well sure enough...he did it right there and then...exactly just as she had...even humming a little tune at the same time as she had done. we were all just beside ourselves. thats a tricky maneuver and to do it immediately...without the need to practice....it was cool. i ran to get my camera...and of course next time he didnt do it for as long but at least i did get it (not on digital though). it is so fun when your kid shocks you with his superior brain capacity (and where did he come from?).

im getting kinda revved up about the conference in january. im not really looking to sell the house before spring...so im settling in for the winter...and getting excited about my job again. we will be gone for 5 days...so ive recruited my mother as the nanny. that way grant will be toddling along! they can enjoy the pool in the day while im at classes (earning ceus for the first time!) and in the evenings i will skip the drunken folley to chill with my fam. now...if there is a blizzard...im going to have to pull out plan b...which i dont actually have yet. hmmmmm...who lives here that can fart away 5 days with me????? hopefully it wont come to that. my mom is so sweet to do this for me.

ok well off to lunch. oh...btw....my surgeon appt turned out to be wednesday!!!!!!!! derrrr.....so tomorrow i will meet with her and schedule it...as long as she is coolio. i know she is willing to do it under local anesthesia if the hernia is small enough..fingers crossed!

Pregnancy induced ventral hernia

Does this picture remind you of an alien abduction? Does me.

Yesterday I visited briefly with a general surgeon who specializes in hernia repair. He confirmed what I already knew...that I have a hernia...just above my belly button. The only way to deal with it is to repair it with surgery....and even then its not 100% definite. There is a 5 - 15% chance it could re open and need more repair in the future. He wants to go in laproscopically and put a big piece of mesh, held down by titanium tacks, in my belly!

First off I want to say...honestly...im not out to bitch. Honestly...i dont want to pick apart doctors and the medical establishment. I dream of going to visit a doctor and coming out feeling educated and comforted.....but it rarely happens! This instance was no different. At first I was feeling great because they got me in early and the Dr was quickly in the room, shaking my hand, being cordial and friendly. Things were great! After a quick feelaroo...he started talking surgery. I had a lot of questions...its true. I showed my concern over jumping into surgery...and had questions about the actual procedure. I had questions about whether there were things i could do at home to help myself. I had questions about expense, general anesthesia, recovery time and any interruptions in nursing that may happen.....but before I was finished asking my questions...before I was comforted and educated...he STOOD UP and said to call him when I am ready! That was 10 minutes into our visit. So I only get 10 minutes for Im sure over $100 specialist charge? I only get 10 minutes and you want to cut me open and put a foreign piece of material inside of me to live forevermore (and these mesh pieces have been recalled in the past btw)? I was shaken up by the idea of surgery, with the idea of paralytic drugs that stop my organs from working while he sews me up...and the idea of being intubated and on a breathing machine...and my son was on my mind...i just have to come to him...and i was worried about pain meds and antibiotics that could disrupt nursing...and could disrupt my care of him and our time together....and here i was with all these emotions, concerns and valid questions...and HE WALKED OUT ON ME.

If I had my shit together...if I had my wits about me...I would have thrown a controlled and decent fit. However...i was weak at the time...i was tearful and felt alone and just confused...and so i just went to billing to ask questions about expense instead. I had to ask the receptionist what the next step would be IF i decided to go ahead with the surgery..and she said to call and talk with kathy. Kathy? Oh thats his nurse who NEVER bothered to stop in and introduce herself or talk with me. The receptionist acted surprised that I didnt know her. GREAT.

This was the second 40 minute one way trip I have taken to visit with this DR. The first time I took off work, sat in the waiting room for 1 hour just to find out that he had been called out for a trauma. Ok...thats legitimate...I mean it was very inconvenient for me...but dude...its a trauma situation. So yesterday was my second time to take off work drive 1.5 hours roundtrip to get the hernia confirmed (obvious) but more importantly to be consulted by a professional and get my fucking questions answered. Do I sound angst riddin? I am. I am sick and tired of dealing with assholes in the medical profession. Why cant they care? Why cant they be decent? Why cant they see me as a human being?

So sure....I probably need to shop around for a surgeon...and find one that is a decent human being...but how much time do i want to spend on this search? And how much money? The copay is $35 a pop. First...I continue to do my own search online (thank god for the internet...can you imagine how lost they felt before information was accessible?). I need to decide IF i want to go for surgery. Sounds like it is inevitable...because they tend to just get larger with time. There is no exercise that can fix it unfortunately.

I am scared. Honestly i know in the grand scheme of surgery...this is nothing! I mean...people (albeit crazy ass people ) sign up for elective surgery more complicated than this (like liposuction and boob jobs). But I am not those people. I avoid intervention when possible. However...its not an option in this case. The truth is...i need surgery. UGH. Being a mother puts everything into a spin...I just want to make sure and come home...and not disrupt his life...and not have complications etc etc. So I guess I need to find a humane surgeon who will hopefully perform the operation under local anesthesia (i would feel SOOO much better with this option!!!!!) or maybe a spinal (like a c section). I am just completely creeped out about the paralytic drugs and breathing machine)...oh and the mesh...but that seems to be a given. Will i ever be able to walk through a metal detector again with going off?




Oh he did say that its better to do this before getting pregnant again. Because if my intestines would become trapped and twisted during pregnancy..then i would need emergency surgery and that would put us both in jeopardy. NOT that I am going to pregnant...but its a tiny possibility... SHIT SHIT SHIT. this sucks! But it could always be worse. I AM SO BLESSED.

Anyone have any recommendations or know of an awesome surgeon? I am willing to travel.

Thanks for letting me bitch. Send me hugs please.