Only Child Syndrome

A while back I had posted about my yearning to have another child. I wanted Grant to have a sibling and not grow up an only child. I also wanted to experience pregnancy and child birth just one more time (yes I find child birth to be precious and empowering). Selfish reasons....or course. What other reasons are there to bring another human on this planet?

However, since that time I have turned about face. Instead of trying to get pregnant (on my own which another post altogether) I am instead relaxed and content with my family of 3. As soon as I stopped wanting...a huge burdon was lifted off my shoulders. It was quite dramatic.

Now we (I) do not have to go through 3 trimesters of varying degrees of discomfort and maternal wondering. We are free from the sleepless newborn phase. We do not have to figure out how to give them both of them enough attention, structure or a college education. My husband and I don't have to go back in time...or regress...we can just focus on the future and move forward with our already 21 month old. This is very much a relief.

So for now....I just enjoy dear Grant to the fullest and am grateful that we were able to bring him into the world to join us in the journey of life. He IS enough (more than enough truly). And we will make sure that he has ample access to lots of little friends wherever we may go so that he is never lonely for peers. And when he asks us why he is an only child we will tell him that Daddy is sterile we wanted to be able to take him to distant lands and pay for his education. Is that so wrong?

Family Planning

Its just human nature...as soon as you get married...people start asking you when the babies are coming. It can get pretty annoying. Ok it can be downright rude. Then when you go ahead and give birth..the pushiness doesnt end...in someways it rises to another level of abrasiveness, "When you having another?", "You better get busy, your son is already 1 year old", "It is cruel to have an only child" on and on and on. Beyond the peer pressure....I really do want to have another though.

Between my dear husband and myself...I am the one who wanted a child. When my biological clock started clicking loudly in my ear...at age 31...all of a sudden I wanted to be a mother and SOON. I realized my eggs werent getting any younger. My husband (then boyfriend)wasnt too keen on the idea as he is cheap hehe and lazy hehe..but i guess i changed his mind or else he did it for me...but he did feel strongly about being married if we were going that route...so we got married...and within 2.5 months we were pregnant! WOO HOO. baby making is amazing.

Now let us skip to the present....grant is 16 months old. No i dont want to go through the sleepless nights that a newborn brings...no i dont really want to be pregnant again (even though i truly enjoyed it the first time around). I would just miss sushi too much hehe. Grant had a tumultuous first year. He was sick ALOT. He was not a "normal" child. He stressed us the hell out. Maybe that is why my husband is now staunchly opposed to having any more children. Or maybe its just because, as he puts it, he is DONE. He doesnt want the stress that another child would bring. HOWEVER....what about Grant? What about me? Excuse me mister but you are just one piece to our family puzzle and you need to consider our feelings along with the big picture here.





I would LOVE to give grant a sibling. I feel that it is a gift to him...and to me and his father really. Yes he can be perfectly happy and healthy as an only child...but what could his life be like if he could share it with another? Seems to me like it just gets richer. I told my husband to imagine his life without his 6 siblings (i really thought that would be a slam dunk). but no...it didnt phase him bc he the overwhelming cost of the child alone has him stuck in a rut. I myself had 2much older brothers (down to one due to an early death :( of the eldest), and was kinda raised as an only just due to the fact that they didnt live with us...and i cried and begged my mom to give me a sister. I was LONELY!!!!!!! I am still jealous of sisters. Luckily i have a close relationship with my mom, but other than that, I dont have any super close women friends (unfortunately)...and i crave the intimacy that sisters (who enjoy each other) have.

Point being....I want to have another baby...but DH doesnt. I havent pushed the issue because grant was still a baby himself and I was in no rush. However...time is passing...and its a good time to start dialogue again and in my mind...start persuading the man to MAKE A BABY WITH ME.

Sure we cant really afford it (especially after the move when I wont be a career woman for awhile)...and the insurance situation will be iffy (actually the state we are moving too only offers maternity as a rider! no insurance just has it). Sure our life is full right now. Sure grant is enough. But the what ifs are just too much. I want to give it a shot. Now I have to convert my dear husband...and he is a very stubborn man. Oh and he has already warned me not to sick family and friends on him to manipulate him (bummer). Otherwise I would totally do that during our Thanksgiving visit!

So thats where Im at...dreaming...hoping....to complete the family.