Negativity & Dire Consequences

Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you I am an optimist. I come off as a happy person...above average type of happy. Smiles come naturally and I have the innate ability to make people feel good. Problem is....my mind is many times cluttered with negativity!

I allow a TON of negative inner dialogue. Blame could be cast on my father...who has always been a complainer...but why should I do such a thing? This is my life and my choices determine my happiness. I have noticed that the "devil on my shoulder" has become louder in the past few years..even since my son Grant was born. What does the "devil" say? Well he plants the seeds of doubt, fear and defensiveness. Many times I feel that my husband or whomever is treating me unfairly. Other times I am fearful about my son's health or any number of uncontrolable variables. Anxiety pulses through my veins. There are plenty of times when I feel completely overwhelmed and feel very close to being out of control.

I have analyzed the situation throughout the years...and I have tried to work on it. Here again I am recommiting to the cause. I do NOT want to be a bitter old woman...and that is exactly where I am headed. Negative dialogue is truly a "sin"...truly a dis ease...truly a sucker of life. A void...a vacuum...a self inflicted nightmare.

As I was walking on the treadmill yesterday, I saw an article in the Oprah magazine about how feeling slighted actually takes years off your life. It is very unhealthy to walk around in a defensive state! No surprise really. They also talked about a newly defined personality...the D personality...detached and distant due to fear and resentment. That doesnt explain me....but the whole story really brought my own many times hidden, negativy to the surface.

I do not want to be unhappy! I fully understand that my happiness is up to ME. I am now taking charge of my inner dialogue and will no longer allow dis ease to poison my thoughts, my heart, my life. I also challenge you to pay more attention to the private life you live within your own mind. Could it be more positive? If so take the time to listen to yourself & counteract each negative thought with a postive one (or two). I also plan to recite positive mantras whenever I have a few moments of time..like when driving or cleaning etc. Those blank slate kind of times are fertile grounds for both positive and unfortunatley negative thoughts to plant and grow.

Here is to a more positive existence! Things are good, life is good, I am good and as they said on Saturday Night Live...I am OK and people like me hehehe.

**edited to add...How timely to receive this daily Buddhist wisdom today, from my beliefnet subscription....


Delight in heedfulness.
Watch over your own mind.
Lift yourself up
from the hard-going way,
like a tusker sunk in the mud.

-Dhammapada, 327, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu

Everyday Minerals review

WOW...I LOVE my new make up! Its V exciting. I actually enjoy putting it on...and the results are quite radiant if I do say so myself. I went with Everyday Minerals...which is a home based enterprise based on the principle of safe ingredients and amazing products. I love that the ingredients are pure and simple. My lipstick has like 6 different oils and waxes and nothing I cannot pronounce. For a girl who did NOT put on makeup....this is a major step. To actually appreciate the quality of makeup is not something I am not familiar with. Usually its all carcinogenic crap.

I must admit something that is V embarrassing. While I was throwing out all my OLD disgusting makeup that I never used.....it dawned on me that........HOLY COW...this shit is ....are you ready....are you sitting down.....14 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How sad is that? Turns out that most of it was from 1993. Does that tell you how often I use the stuff? I believe the recommended shelf life is like 6 months for mascara and 1 year for most everything else. Crazy! The really frightening part is that I had used some of the junk periodically over the years. What was I thinking? I wasn't. I bet many a gal out there needs to throw out the old and get some new. Time flies and all of sudden your eye shadow is older than your niece.

Honestly...I am really into experimenting with my new make up. It is all powder..and all mixable. So eye shadow, foundation, bronzer, blush...all the colors can be mixed if you want to try something new. Today I just stuck with the label..and I feel pretty...I mean prettier :). I really do feel polished. I'm telling you...the ingredients are all the difference! Please do check them out.

and because we love Grant so much..and Grant is so looking forward to seeing his Grantparents next week in Florida...here is a pic from their last farewell:

Lookin Good Better

So remember when I decided to start doing something about my pathetic weathered appearance? Well the work has begun. I had my husband take these shots this afternoon before departing for the plaza....to see for myself if it is worth the extra energy...and yes...indeed...I think there is definitely improvement here.

Grant was like..holy cats...who is that lady....



Im like....hey son...its me your ol mom....



and then he knew me and i of course knew him and we were ready to take on the city



Now off to shop for make up!

Fugly Ugly Old & Pugly

My 100 things list ended on a note of me needing to primp a tad more. A tad more than NOTHING would be an improvement indeed. I just came back from a Chamber of Commerce christmas party....and I was by far the most wretched looking thing there. This being said and I was 30 years younger than many of those women.



Maybe I really am still a dirty hippy after all. My hair cut is not that old...but it never was a good cut this go around. Besides that I wake up and put a little water where the bed head is too revealing, run a comb through it, spritz a bit (just to make myself feel like i did something i suppose) and thats is for the hair. Face...just wash and lotion...pluck a few stray hairs when they are far too evident. Professional wardrobe? Old jeans, new socks (woo hoo), new balance, and a baggy, oversized, stained (didnt notice till i got to work though does that make it any better?)shirt. My hands are dry and my fingernails are unkempt. Overall...I look like dog dookie Its bad folks...Its real bad.

When i was in my 20s i could get away with this..and still look cute (ok so i never was one to look in mirrors)...but now I cant. I mean...I dont feel good about it...so thats why i think its time to change. I dont mean big change...like curling irons, blow dryers, thick pancake make up and labels. No...Im just thinking that i should allow myself 5 - 10 minutes each morning to attempt an image that evokes what i feel like inside. Right now my exterior screams, mama who feels old and faded and is maybe a tad sick and definitely doesnt give a rats ass.

Point being here people, I dont want to keep up with mrs jones...or pretend im something i am not...but i guess i do want to look how i feel..and that is pretty (more like cute really). pretty of course is relative...but my version of pretty. one order of pretty coming up :). how about pretty cute?

btw....the difference will very well be invisible to the naked eye...but I will know that i dont stink :)

Im not a proud person at all. Ive always been one to be able to laugh at myself...and today is no different. Laugh with me homies.

pics to come