Our High Spirited Child

So today was one of those days where I clearly remembered WHY I signed Grant up for preschool to start with....not for academic achievement....no...just so I could be free of him for a few hours a week and hopefully regain my strength...and patience. My child...is SO VERY STRONG SPIRITED...its frightening sometimes. The doctor and therapist (who wants us to come visit) encourages us to "get a handle on it"...for you see its easier now than say when he is 16.

I agree that a child his age needs to be taught "grace and courtesy" as they say in Montessori. He shouldnt be hitting, biting, name calling, walking over, pushing aside...other children/people. He should learn to talk in a civilized tone and volume in most situations. However....the other side to it is...at least for me...that a child his age should be allowed to...be a 3 year old. In my mind he should have room to follow his instincts act out his fantasies...even when it is annoying to me. I just want him to have a balanced three year old experience. I want him to be free...when freedom does not cost the respect of others that is.Its just a challenging situation...because again...he is VERY HIGH SPIRITED..and thats a nice way to put it.

He apparently does not care about most consequences...toys included. He really doesnt care much for toys in general (my husband was right). He would rather work and be involved in my every solitary thought and action 24/7. He loves to model my less than perfect behaviors...which include yelling, cussing and hitting. Yes I suck. The good news is I am learning and working at improvement...every minute of the day. Its my mantra...calm....thats it....be calm. Well its DAMN hard to be calm....when dealing with a completely self absorbed, irrational, over zealous, selfish mini me!!!!!!!! Its one of those things where I understand what I want to do.....ways I want to react...but then...my blood pressure sky rockets, my hormones freak, my mo jo falters...and...I yell. But at least I am NOT in denial!

I love love love him dearly....I love him till it hurts...and I KNOW very well the super sensitive, sweet, compassionate, adorable, smart, witty, hilarious and kind child that he is. However....I also know the other side....THAT side...that just brings me to my knees. Lord help us. And its days like today I wonder WHY oh WHY did I take him out of preschool last week....because he had separation anxiety?????

Well I know why...because to see a child his age have to be pried off his mothers leg every day of preschool...for 6 weeks (granted it was only 12 classes)...just doesnt seem right. I dont work outside the home...so I have the availability to keep him with me. He did well at school...after I left....when I picked him up he seemed happy and proud...but why was he sooo clingy when begin dropped off. It just made me feel sorry for him...and realize that he has the rest of his life to be "institutionalized" in some way or another...school and work etc. These are the last months of his young life that he can just be a kid...with his mom...running around town...being "free"...as free as he can get away with. SO I pulled him out...and now I have him 24/7...and when he is having a "naughty" day...I pull my hair out and want to take him back to that school and not even look back.

Instead I will persevere....to find ways to reach him...to find ways to control myself...to find ways to live through this challenging period...and enjoy it...and remember the great times...because there are plenty of wonderful moments and experiences. I am blessed to have such a healthy, intelligent child...who thinks outside the box! What else can I ask for??

A ha ha

I had an "aha" moment today...a few times.

See...I struggle with this "stay at home mom" thing. I LOVE it....I detest it...I am learning to be good at it...its the biggest challenge of my life. Even though I dreamt of being able to do it when Grant was in day care for the first 2 years of his life...it still bewilders me and has me yearning for more freedom.

I adored my AWESOME job...in my field...I excelled at it...I was finally good at something .And it felt great. However....motherhood threw a monkey wrench into all that...because I was a Mom first....and a career woman second...but sending your child away for 40 hours a week...doesn't feel like putting motherhood first. It feels ROTTEN to send your baby away any day...but especially when they are teething or just needing you. I wanted to be able to not work away from home...and be there for them 24/7. Well now I get to...and I grumble about it!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!

So today.....my son was being adorable and asking questions and learning lots of new things on an outing. We were having great dialogue and digging each other. I was THANKFUL for being there with him...and not at work. I was thankful for having my baby in my arms and....not at work. She was teething all day..and I was thankful to be there to ease her pain..as only a mother can.

I was thankful to have to eat lunch with one hand (Bron in the other) while keeping an eye on my son who was "playing" a video game in the corner wondering how many employees he was pissing off. It was great to be at one with my position as care giver extraordinaire...and it was definitely a nice "aha".

Starting over

Im baaaaaaackkkkkkkkkkkk. Im just gonna write. Just gonna force myself to write...to let it flow...to get it out...to have some fun. I am 1000% mama right now and 0% Paula...and that cant last forever. I owe it to myself to start finding time for me again. And a great place to start is right here. I will carve out little bits of time here and there and just write. It might not be interesting....but Its not about entertainment...its about therapy.

I decided to come back to Olive Juice because I like the energy and vibe that this blog had...or has. I like how I used to be able to write. Sure....I did it at work...so I had lots of time and privacy and even got paid to do it! Now...not so much. No privacy...no time and no dough. That makes it challenging. But....I want to latch on to the momentum that this blog had...and keep the chronicle alive.

So who is Paula anyhoo? Iam realist, a humanist, liberal, open minded, honest, compassionate, ethical, hard working, animated, fun and yet a tad bitter, angry and depressed 36 year old mother of two. I mother all day and night...and its not my forte. I am not a patient woman. I am much better as a career woman...however...I feel like they need me home right now. And since I can.....I will...and I will strive to better everyday...every hour...every second...never giving up on myself even when I totally SUCK at mothering.

Metamorphis in Progress: Career out SAHM in

Happy St. Patricks Day people. Are you wearing your green underwear? I sure hope so lest you get abducted by Leprechauns and forced to drink green beer till you are green in the face.....hmmm...Im thinking now I need to try for the latter. But no..here I sit in my professional cage staring at the screen day dreaming about the future. Hey I love my job, but I would still rather be somewhere else.

We are planning to move...waiting for the house to sell. Its so much fun being in limbo. Please do feel the sarcasm in that font. Besides the typical pre move jitters and stress, there are a host of rather large decisions to be made which have me taking handfuls of xanax. No sarcasm there. But maybe there. Anyhoo, I need to decide between career advancement and being a stay at home mom slash stay at home taking care of elderly parents kinda person. The choice would be made easier if the monetary equation was not so sketchy, but it is.

Point being I have wanted to stay at home with Grant since he was born. Yes I know it is harder than working outside the home I serious do. I also know I would get sick of it fast, but more importantly I want to savor his toddlerhood. There are only 3.5 short years before he is off to school...where the world will find him ho hum.

I also want to help my Mom and Dad. We have not lived in the same city for almost a decade but now they are getting to the age where they could use some help. This is exponentially intensified by the fact that my dear old pop has Alzheimer's. It has really become an issue lately. So they are considering moving with us to this new place and living as neighbors so we can help them and they can be with Grant more.

However, financially we would be regressing. We actually would be legally poor. I know lots of families who take a financial hit in order to have a stay at home parent...and I for one am willing to do so. I have plans to bring in some income through piano lessons, running errands for home bound seniors, walking dogs and pet sitting and even working a few hours at the family business. I do have to make enough money to pay for insurance and any savings we hope to accumulate. It is hard to think of being poor...but it is even more difficult to think of changing jobs & working more hours (because right now I am spoiled with a 35 hour a week schedule) while uprooting my 20 month old from his beloved day care, leaving the home he has ever known and throwing him into a totally new day care. Sounds TERRIBLE. I just wont do it.

So this of course means that I am taking a career hiatus. I'm fine with it. I know that life is more than titles and income. I know that the next 3 years are ridiculously precious and that never again in my life will I have a chance to relive them. It is scary....to put aside what I have worked so hard to create career wise...but I am willing and ready. Now I just have to convince my husband!

Handling Disappointment - perfect for those with challenging children

Someone shared with me this analogy about the disappointment that comes when you have a child with any kind of health or behavioral problems, either at birth or later on in life. And I would encourage you to pass this on to anyone who may be in this situation. But I have been thinking all morning about how this analogy really applies to all of the plans that we make for ourselves in life.

"When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans... the Coliseum, the Sistine Chapel, Gondolas. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After several months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland!" "Holland?" you say. "What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy. I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is is that your plane didn't crash or anything like that.....you were just taken to a different place. So, you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around. You begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. And Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, " Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that experience will never, ever, ever, go away. The loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland."

Can I get an Amen?

Pediatric Cat Scan Perks

These were taken last night..hehe..he loves to wear big boots.





I have decided I don't really feel like reliving the entire urgent care visit for you..so here is quick synopsis:

*the staff was amazing
*after we actually got a room the service was fairly fast
*they believed me thank goddess
*and here is the super dooper highlight. they ordered a cat scan to rule out bleeding of the brain and usually they have to sedate the child which means an IV and nothing by mouth for a few hours prior. I suggested that I could most likely get him to sleep - would that work? They were all excited and hopeful! Well sure enough after we arrived in the dark CT room...with the hummmm of the machine...it was a perfect sleeping environment. So I told the nurses to leave us be for a while and I would motion when it was all good. We started nursing and I sang Grant his little to bed song...whispered "sweet dreams little bear" (sleep time ritual) and off he went. It was lovely.

So the nurses returned and I layed him in the mold that holds them still..still nursing. I hung over him a bit just to make sure he was good and gone...and then he just let go so perfectly. Then we draped him with heavy radiation blocking blankets. He was quite bound by the time they started the machine up. The table flew back and forth as she adjusted him just so underneath the machine's red lazers. The sweet nurse that stayed with us was just ecstatic and so proud of us for making it happen without sedation. They don't want to stick babies..and then there is always the potential for side effects etc. After the procedure they were kind enough to loan us the mold so I just picked up the whole thing and placed him in the wagon (another children's hospital perk) and off we rolled.

I must say that even though he was exposed to radiation, I am very glad we had the cat scan. Without it I would still be wondering. They said that kids can have intracranial bleeding and still be acting normal!!!!!!! The fact that it was a reinjury...within just days of each other...that made them really concerned (and me too!).

On an iffy note....Grant has vomited 3 times since 12:30AM last night. Hopefully he is just sick (that sounds nice doesn't it) and it is not related to the head injury. Remember...we are still watching him for stuff like this for 30 days! So I am going to call the Dr and just check in.

This pic was taken just this morning..can you see the improvement? I sure can! yae



I am starting to feel better. Not nearly as anxious and tense and frightened. My parents are here now thank GOODNESS. We are keeping Grant out of day care while he has a chance to heal. Looks like I will be bringing him to work with me a few days next week (don't even want to think about it...sounds so stressful) while my parents go home and take care of some things. My mom plans to return to be here for the Battle of the Bands (a program of mine that leaves me needing a babysitter) and then the ear tube placement on march 3. Some one pour me a double please.

Besides all that...HAPPY FRIDAY. Get drunk for me or something.

Ear Tubes & Goose Eggs oh MY

Being a mother is HARD work. Not only is the physical labor part kinda grueling (during birth and to beyond)....but the emotional rollercoaster is not for the weak of heart. My son has sent me to heaven and hell these past few 19 months...and honestly I would'nt trade it for anything (that crazy love thing again), but still...I NEED A DRINK, or a shot of heroine or something...come on help out a cracker girlfriend.

So to those of you who have blissfully healthy chilren who barely get runny noses and are so graceful they hardly ever bruise....I am estatic for you...and you best be saying some thankful prayers to whomever for that mercy. Grant, for those of you who know him and or those of you who have kept up with the journey via Olive Juice, has had his unfair share of challenges (although thank GODDESS he doesnt have a terminal illness etc...I KNOW THINGS COULD BE WORSE and many hugs and blessings to parents who have to deal with those kind of situations). Im embarrassed to say how many different doctors I have taken him too...with the hopes of finding answers or at the very least finding a doctore who we love and who actually cares about Grant.

A VERY short, simple synapsis of his health history:

2 days old - screaming, arching back while nursing, mild exzema
1 months old - starts choking till blue on his own mucus repeatedly
2 months old - diagnosed with GERD after ER admission
4 months old - every bug starts triggering a major respiratory reaction which includes wheezing, coughing, labored breathing, retractions etc (he was tested for RSV 3 times!)
6 months old - 1st ear infection (in conjunction with RSV supposedly)
7 - 14 months - lots more lost sleep & nebulizer treatments
15 months - ruptured ear drum with ear infection
18 months - ruptured ear drum with double ear infections

That brings us to today. After trying watch and wait, natural remedies then 2 rounds of antibiotics (one being very heavy) he STILL has an ear infection with fluid. I am so sad about this. It is SUCH a huge disappointment. The good news is he can hear (which isnt really news but he was tested by an audiologist which was awesome). The Ped ENT was awesome by the way..I really did fall for her...didnt hurt that when she walked in she commended us for still nursing. So she said she recommends ear tubes for little Grant. He fits all the reasons for doing so...being on the severe end actually.

We scheduled for March 3. I will still research it farther...but I am at a loss. We have tried everything except a wheat and corn elimination diet. The thought of that just overwhelms me! When we did the milk and soy elim diet...we had no results...so that was such a let down for some much work. I guess I am too lazy to go for wheat right now. Sad really. I am ashamed.

It was really an exhausting visit....and I am still soaking it all in. I did remember to tape the visit...which I HIGHLY RECOMMEND! Its so hard to remember all the details...especially with a little one getting into everything. I feel for Grant...and just want him to be pain free and healthy. History tells us that leaving stubborn ear infections alone...can truly kill. It isnt a joke.

And just to add insult to injury my poor little dear HIT HIS SORE HEAD AGAIN TONIGHT...really really hard on the door jam. It was LOUD. It swelled up again....just terrible. I tried to take a picture...the shadow is where it jolts up in goose egg style. My heart is just aching for him. I am pretty stressed about the whole situation.

Motherhood is feeling the joys and pain of your extensions.

Cosleeping and Marriage

My husband has never been fully on board with the co sleeping issue, and it is really causing rifts in our marriage. Yes we are still going strong and are pretty darn healthy overall...but this subject...and parenting in general causes some heated discussions...and for about the past month...my dear husband has been sleeping in another room.

I am torn. I am completely comfortable sharing a bed with my son. Not only do I feel that it fulfills his nighttime needs, but also mine. Yes my sleep is interrupted many times a night, but overall I sleep more because I am not getting up to attend to him. I also enjoy the fact that we can snuggle and be together...especially because I work outside the home and miss those daytime hours. Co sleeping seems natural to me and it is right for me and grant. However...it is not so for my husband.

A loving and tight parental bond is a gift to the child. Everyone of us wants our parents to be madly in love. It is the best environment for raising children. I do understand that by nurturing my relationship with Grant's dad I am giving Grant a powerful foundation for learning, growing, evolving and essentially becoming an amazing human being. I sincerely want that for Grant. I want it for myself as well.

So here I am...in a way...in the middle of my two guys. This sucks. I have 3 people in the mix here...3 interests. I believe that the mother and child (especially when nursing) are a couple of their own sorts the first 2 years. Around that time the child starts separating on their own accord ...a natural development. Grant has the rest of his life to be going solo...I just do not feel the need to push him out of the nest. However, to nurture my husband ( I could so go on an anti man bashing crusade here but that would be stupid) I need to compromise so that our relationship does not suffer. This is tough stuff people.

So what will the compromise be? I have already offered starting a transitional period where Grant learns what "his bed" is. We can start nights here for a while. Of course this whole process will be harder on me that the present arrangement. My sweet husband gets a full nights sleep nomatter the sleeping situation!GRRR. I would rather wait till Grant is 2 or even 3 to do this. I keep telling my husband that even the freaks hehe, who train their babies to sleep alone have many disruptions in sleep. Babies and children just do not sleep like we do. Plan to have your life turned upside down. Period.

Anyhoo this post was much less informational than I would like but I am rushed because my 18 month old wants to go to the park on this gorgeous 50 degree day in January! I wish my husband would just follow my lead and enjoy these very short years where Grant is a baby. The really confusing part is that he appears to enjoy sleeping with us...all grins and smiles upon waking and getting hugs. There is some primal/machismo stuff going down here...and its just way beyond me. I guess I would like to continue to talk about this. I know it is a common issue with co sleeping families...when one parent desires a different arrangement. Till then.....

this article is short and sweet and has the results of multiple studies on the long term effects of co sleeping

Best Mom of the Year Award...

Goes to my MOM!!!

How is this for nursing the winter blues?

I have been in a slump. I wont bore you with the details...although a rant and rave pity party sounds good to me at times...but overall...I got the winter blues in a bad way. So this morning...she noticed I was in a rut..and offered to fly me out to Florida in a couple weeks..to meet them for a few days!

At first my life flashed before my eyes...I saw Grant screaming while on flight...and running down the aisle one step beyond my grasp mischeviously gigglin...I saw me alone with a 17 month old, a stroller and carryon bags..standing in line waiting to escape the plane. So I figured I might as well STOP thinking and start booking the flight :).

I was able to find a non stop flight on Southwest. Hopefully they wont cancel that flight and screw me like they (Midwest) did last time. I ended up with multi hour layovers that trip. ANyhoo....now I have something to look forward to and it has boosted my moraled tenfold!

Sure do have tons or work to complete before the 10th though! Florida here we come!

ode to crotchfruit

What a great way to start off a rather timid morning! I just finished reading the link I found on Hathor the Cow Goddess about the child free movement and lingo! What a hoot! Makes me want to run out and hug my little sperm and egg omelet!

Its just human nature. We must compete. There will always be the entertaining angst of this town vs that town, this religion vs that religion, and now parents vs child free. Something to do I suppose.

Its not a new thing. I even remember when I too was a proud child free 20 something adult, and my first wedding was indeed child free! Please dont bring your uncivilized beast to terrorize the sacredness of this very expensive if not slightly white trash event. The fact of the matter is.......the marriage didnt last and either did my pompous anti child delusion.

Of course, I am now a MOO (mother obsessed with offspring) and proud of it. Change is the only constant. So what if i am diaperwhipped! My dear little nipplecruncher is light of my life :) The lingo just cracks me up!

Indeed its like the term redneck being relcaimed by country folk...or cracker by whities, or how about bitch beteen girlfriends etc etc. Reclaiming slang can be empowering (if not crude). Have you read the book Cunt? Its overboard feminism in my opinion...but the overall theme is when you reclaim it...it looses some negativity. I love my fartling. There I did it!

So in response to Moores request for wacked out terms for the child free fanatic...im going with: eggrotter, extinctionhead, oldatheart & baby maverick. Have any to add? Its pretty fun.

Ive already reclaimed crotchfruit and fartling hehe...as they point out in the article.."parental use of the kid-centric terms could have a positive effect: Adams speculates that "when parents appropriate the non-parents' mockery, the edge is taken off, and the word moves closer to the center of parent-child linguistic behavior."

Onward breeder warriors! Reclaim your independance from the haters.

fine lines

no not the ones on my face...the kind that blur the distinction between truth and non truth....between reality and tripping...between intent and effect.

my parenting style is pretty much child led. now i will say that before having a child of my own...i would have thought this insane. my pre child mentality was that children were little animals in need of training. i sure didnt want one of those kids who make you want to run away and hide (aka holy terrors). but I now believe that their instincts generally direct them to not just survive but to thrive. why does a baby cry? why does a baby want to be held and cuddled? why does a baby want to nurse and even just use mama as a pacifier (which i swore i wouldnt become but have)? i believe that babies need to be just that babies...and we need to allow them that space. the hope is that nurturing them in the way they desire...will give them a foundation of security and place that will serve them for life. i wonder how the world would change if the majority of humans on earth were given respect from day one....imagine.

on the other hand...where does that dreaded term "spoiling" start? even though i feel like i am being a good mother when i tend to his little cries of... "mama...im awake and ive tossed around for a bit and cant get back to sleep...will you come comfort me and even let me use you as a pacifier for a while?", every once in a while (usually after someone has dissed this practice) i second guess myself. but why should i let him cry? do i even need to train him to sleep all night without help? i will say that my child seems to wake up ALOT more than other kids his age. my thinking is that its probably related to his "allergies" or what have you. but then again..i dont truly know what their habits are. am i conditioning him to wake more often so he can get mama nurturing / attention? possibly. is this a problem? only when i want to sleep for more than 3 hours at a time...or get away from the house in the evenings. i figure i will only have a baby for a short time in my life...so serving him in this way is not a big deal. maybe i want to selective spoil...hmmm...never thought of that. if conditioning your child to know without a doubt that he can count on mama..so much that he doesnt even need to scream or barely cry and she is there within seconds...is spoiling...then i guess sign me up.

i do let grant take falls and get hurt a bit and cry without rushing to his side - when he needs more comforting he comes to me. crying can be "baby cussing"...where they just want to complain and make sure you are aware of the incident before moving on. ive been proud of myself for holding back and letting him sort it out. problem solving of sorts. however...i listen to his cries to let me know how hurt he is...and if "the one" is heard...i do rush to his side. mothering is about communication with your child(ren).

so will my intent, my mothering style pay off? what will the effect be? will i end up with a holy terror? or will i raise a happy, secure and loving person? maybe a bit of both. its the gamble you take with any parenting philosophy. and there is a huge amount of luck that plays into it as well. for now though...i will continue following my instincts (and grant's), laughing at cultural norms and enjoying every second of this precious time...even as my fine lines keep multiplying.

Happy 13 months old Granto

Fridays visit with the Naturopath was FRANTIC, CHAOTIC & downright MISERABLE for old mom. See....Grant had decided this was the perfect place to fight for his right to party. Someone must have told him anarchy was cool (sarah swan you are in trouble). i was sweating bullets by the time we walked out of there and in need of a good cry...which i promptly allowed myself once in the safety and relative soundproof capsule of our van.

Unfortunately all the questions i wanted to ask escaped me as i ran around after grant...keeping him out of the potted plants, from shredding the fancy scrolls and zillions of thick books that doctors read. Instead of being coherant and poised, i was either listening to a screaming child (bc i was holding him) or trying to keep him from typing on the keyboard. Turns out this office was absolutely NOT child proof and not even child friendly i am afraid. The Dr was very calm (unlike the tickin time bomb that i became)and was fine with grant playing with his books ...but he did say that grant seemed very hyper and that was most likely from allergies.

I will say that grant is a very industrious child...but he isnt as hyper as he was in that cage of an office very much. He was on fire!

SOOOOO...what my $155 got me was a naturopath dr who says he would like to investigate what is at the root of my child's health challenges. He thinks most likely (and hopefully) it is food based allergies and intolerances. Even reflux is caused by allergies in his mind. First place we stop on our investigation is blood allergy testing. Whats cool is he has his own lab and does the work in house. He doesnt feel comfortable taking grants blood though (left it up to me) so we are going elsewhere for a pediatric nurse to do that. What i need to decide is whether i want to pay the $330 fee for him to do it or try and go in network and have a similar test done elsewhere. UGH. I wish oh wish that we had avoided the silly scratch tests and just gone straight to the blood (for more accurate if still not perfect tests). The exciting part is that maybe we can start to get a clearer picture of whats going on with little guy...and start avoiding these all to frequent respiratory challenges! I just need to make an informed and educated decision. My heart is telling me to stick with the naturopath all the way...but my wallet is saying HELP.

After I recoverd from the madness of the dr visit.....the weekend actually became quite lovely. Grant, dad and i were super close and loving and had some fun. We even managed to make it to the kansas city art museum which has been on my to do list for 3 years!

Grant is really not a beast. However, I did start implementing a time out. Any recommendations for what to do when a 13 month old (today) does not listen to no, does not accept distractions, and laughs when i get down on his level, look him in the eye, takes his little hands in mine and say "grant this is a no no, lets go to plan b etc)???? well i have started putting him in time out for 1 minute. i have yet to see if this actually works at all...but it is a start. i really just dont know what to do....he cannot play electrical plugs and outlets...and like i said ....distractions usually dont work...he just makes a bee line back to the "no". using other words hasnt helped either. he doesnt need to be "naughty' for attention thats for sure so whats your opinion?

Parents coming in today. Going to visit with us and attend the amazing entertainment that we call the Leavenworth County Fair hehe. Sounds like a lot of sweat, stink & yee haws to me.

all in a week

so you may ask yourself...self..i wonder what grant has been up to this week? hmmmmmmmm......well....ALOT

stubbed toe for the first time...and it isnt healing bc he re injures it

ate dog poop...YES....ate dog poop...mother sighs....my lovely old ladies (13.5 year old dogs) leave little "milk duds" for me every month or so...for some reason they only lay these raunchy hard(bite size) eggs in the light of a new moon...so i awake to find them between my toes....well i guess one day this week i didnt find them...but guess who did? GRRR....so my son starts to cough (he has been sickish) and then he starts to vomit...like hard cold wretching (no pic sorry)...and then the exorcism begins....a mouth full of black/brown/frothy/mucousy (hope your not eating)stuff comes up and i grab a towel to help him...at first i was worried it was dried blood...i was honestly freaked out...wish i had a video of my face...then i gave it a sniff and holy bejeezus...its DOG POOP. it was rediculous. thank god his body had enough since to get rid of it (or try to ...i know he digested a good portion). oh the joys of child mobility combined with ancient mutts.

so surely that is all your delightful, charming, advanced (hehe) & curious (i mean that in a nice way) son has been up to this week right mama? NO...indeed

feasting on spaghetti the other night....he coughed and landed a piece in his sinuses. he was rubbing his face hard and making crazy tickly insane grimaces. we figured something was up there..didnt know exactly what item or how large. i took him out into the sun to help him sneeze no luck. after being back inside for about 3 minutes KABOOM...the sneeze of the century and out came about a 1/4 cup of snot mixed with the culprit...............a get this....3 inch noodle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG...no wonder that tickled....and mama tries to cut up the pieces smaller...but i swear...oh well. i had to pick the piece out of the kleenex just to see the enormity of it! how disgusting right hehe.

other than that he just has a yeast infection on his bumm which drives him crazy...oh and he is teething (2 coming in)...and then of course theres the cough, wheezing and labored breath so needless to say....he has been quite bored this week.

poop machine!

My little poop machine is a natural on the potty..or so it seems. We had much success this weekend. I definitely understand that its still just the beginning and although he did kinda take to it like a duck to water (a bit of an over exaggeration so what)... i will never force him or make it into a negative experience no matter how much i am into it !

soooooooooo...if your really interested in my son's potty details...and i know you are hehehe...first thing Saturday morning i plopped him on the potty...and VIOLA...he pooped! seriously...dave moved faster than ever before for so early in the am! it was hysterical. i was immediately hooked. he continued to poop on the potty 3 times total and one pee on Saturday. the really hysterical part came when i was distracted with helping dave flush his eye (something flew into it while he was mowing the lawn) so i left quickly...leaving the potty lid up...only to come back to OOPS...a clean toilet...my dogs obviously had an unmentionable treat...man - dogs are disgusting!!!!!. so note to self....ALWAYS i repeat ALWAYS put the lid down..it only takes a sec. Sunday we didn't have as much luck...but this morning once again...wake up and on the potty...and WOO HOOO a number one and a number 2! he even seemed content sitting there. of course i do stand by for support (literally and figuratively) and entertainment when needed..but all in all he was just hanging out on the john. we celebrated accordingly and mom is very excited about where all this will lead. one thing is for sure. he likes to poop on the potty...now getting him to go to it will be a whole nother ball game. presently i am just looking for clues and taking him there on a regular basis. when he fights it we just forget about it. he wont go then anyhoo.

Im working on a potty pic...he sure does look adorable sitting there...must be mommy brain once again. NO DOUBT!!!!

Have a great day and thanks for getting this far...you must either a) be a mommy &/or b) be really bored &/or c) love us just that much :).

the plane pic was taken at the tampa airport. great kid play area...a life saver!!!

half full

well we just got back from our big florida vacation last night around 9pm.......ahh it does feel good to be home...even if that means lots of dog hair, pounds of mail, umpteem loads of laundry & a stack of receipts that need to be accounted for...oh that sounds scary. anyhoo......the point is.. home is very comforting. grant was suprised to see the dogs again..and had to wake up fully to enjoy them even though he was beyond exhausted. i think he completely forgot about "home" until he saw it again..and then he was like..."oh ya....i like this place".

grant had a ton of firsts on the big penisula...including carousel ride, oceanic experience which includes playing in the sand (and eating some of course), first airplane ride, first man on stilts & amusement park, first walk on dad in the baby carrier and uh....first ambulance ride. ho hum.

so thats where the half full title comes in...bc if i wanted to be a downer and a pity me kinda person i could go on and on about the trials of this week...which were highlighted by a trip to not one but 2 yes 2 hospitals! long story short...grant got his hands on my mom's vicoden (she was cleaning out her pockets from our day at Busch gardens) and i rushed him to the hospital where they found him to be very very close to toxic levels of the Tylenol in the pill...so they insisted on transferring us to the pediatric hospital in st petersburg where we spent another 20 hours with our child on "hold" a.k.a. house arrest while they inspected our ability to parent. omg it was absolutely frightening from beginning to end. after we got over the fear of the pill....we became fearful of having our child taken away from us..and just overall feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place. fortunately by the end of it they agreed it was just a mistake and we really werent trying to silence our son with drugs.......ack.........but dave and i feel violated from the experience even though we know they are just trying to protect children. even our nurse agreed that it did take WAY longer than it should have...we were just sitting in the hospital feeling claustrophobic from 2am to 5 pm...it was nuts. the blessing is grant is fine with no long term complications. our little birdy swallowed a few ounces of disgusting charcoal juice with no problem...he is quite the patient!

besides that and one family session of the jerry springer show...it was really a great vacation. we had lots of fun in the son..and managed to not get seriously burnt. just having a week off work together with my 2 guys was a magical experience. i didnt pump once!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
oh and grant learned to sit up from a laying down position which has changed his life dramatically! now he feels the need to sit up during the night and crawl all over me...so dave and i took our bed off the springs & frame today..we are down on the floor so he isnt in danger...kinda makes me feel young again.

happy june!!!!!

fountain of youth

Its may its may! may rocks.

grant is turning 10 months on monday the 7th. the year has flown by on one hand yet on the other is has crawled in the way of the tortoise. ive certainly grown in leaps and bounds..infact...im barely recognizable as the same woman.

this hadnt happened in months..but last night over dinner...i had that "OMG we have a baby together" sensation. wierd how that happens.

we had a nice weekend.....starting out on friday with decluttering, laundry & a bit of spring cleaning (our bedroom closet had begun to grow things). you may say...well that doesnt sounds so great...but wait it gets better...that was just the lead in.....then satuday morning grant and cleaned up and left for lawrence...while our super dooper house cleaner kristen did her thing.....ahh to walk in to a fresh house is just amazing...and a PERFECT way to kick start a saturday. in lawrence...we shopped at the farmers market and purchased LOTS of items including pastel eggs, herb plants (chives & dill), english lavender, zucchini & raisen bread, sweet rolls, black cherry jam, 3 potted zinnias & gourmet doggie treats. then we strolled over to zen zero for a fabulous lunch complete with oyster sauce! we also shopped a couple baby boutiques and ended up with 2 cloth diapers & a baby einstein video. it was a great time. of course we missed visiting with sarah, vivian & ben......but serendipity solved that disappointment. sure hope we get to see them next weekend. lastly we ran in the merc for some grant probiotics, rice milk & shampoo. so now you know hehe.

saturday evening was spent at the legends at sharons my space dinner party. we had hibachi at stix and then meanered the mall there. grant had a wonderful time playing in the fountain with dad (pictured). it was sooooooooooo adorable! that was grants first fountain experience. dinner was yum yum and the library land company was very nice. grant was super well behaved and wasnt a terror at all:).

sunday was a hang at the house and chill kinda day. grant and daddy played in the yard under the shade of the tree while i dug up the garden. it was so precious to see them smiling as the breeze tossed their hair around.......i just swelled with love...as i do often. we did manage to force ourselves to grocery shop that evening , then a quick piano lesson and off to bed we ran.

on monday i went on the best date of my life! sharon babysat (a whole nother story) and from 7:30 - 10:30 dave and i enjoyed dave and busters at it best...which is FREE. we ate, drank & played unlimited video games (bartenders ball - distributors paid for it all)........which was a dream come true for me...it was great to play all the big games im usually too cheap to play! oh and i hit it big on a silly tickets game...so we had over 400 tickets and actually could buy something cool. ok not cool...but fun! i got the gigantic clapper, a deck of blues cards & a reaching/grabbing monkey contraption. it was such a blast! even though grant didnt do so well........we needed that time away...it was sweet.

grant is doing wonderful...we are managing his breathing/respiratory challenges and he is a happy , healthy , growing boy. he is scooching around fast now..and pulling up to all kinds of things. neal at day care said he was scooching around the entire house...with the other kids..they run in the circle..and she said he was about 4 laps behind them but he kept on trucking..and the other kids just keep saying..come on grant come on...he really does play with his friends there. i know he gets beat up a little too...but thats kids for ya.

thanks for visiting

Personal Jokes

One of my favorite things to share with grant is our personal jokes. When I find something that he thinks is hysterical...and then we just take turns laughing back and forth. To see him in a hard core belly laugh just lights up my world. He really loves to watch me laugh too.

ITs friday its friday. Im doing the friday dance. I still think a standard work week should only be 4 days long with a sweet 3 days weekend. That would be much more balanced.

Grant is trying to say DOG! That would basically be his first word..besides mama and dada. He is really into the old girls.

I watched Marie Antoinette last night...and this morning...and I REALLY enjoyed it. I would have to say its the perfect Paula movie. Only a split second of violence (and even it was only the aftermath), lots of gorgeous landscape and beauty along with opulent partying. I admit the film lacked on plot but thats exactly how i like them. I know im wierd. I just dont like for my movies to stress me out. I want to have fun. The ending was lack luster....but thats ok. I just keep thinking to myself...why didnt they just give the peasants some flour? What bastards.

Grandma Burkemper, Auntie Mary Rita and little Mary should be on their way. We are going to spend a warm and rainy weekend together. They should really get a kick outta little grant. He is such a character.

Happy weekend to ya! May you see many rainbows.

caged bird

as i walked through the park with grant this afternoon.....i realized that indeed most of us spend the greater portion of our lives indoors. no wonder we get cabin fever. no wonder we ache for freedom. my office doesnt even have a window in it. and i cant even complain....i have a real office...not a cubicle.

fresh air is like manna from heaven. one thing i love about tongie is just that. the air tastes good ...it smells good...and it is just good.

i told grant today that we are going to spend as many lunch hours as possible doing just that...savoring fresh air, dancing on the path in each others arms, singing silly songs, observing wildlife & feeling the grass on our toes. spring is a passion of mine...that im thrilled to be able to share with my son. oh the simple pleasures of motherhood.

mommy brain

whenever i hear news about something wonderful or tragic happening to someone....i immediately think of their parents...or their mother specifically...and how she must feel. now that i am a parent, i function on a different level....a different plane..on all levels - emotional, physical & spiritual. i am somehow connected to all the mothers who have ever existed. the joy and pain associated with growing & tending another soul is enormous, huge, gigantic; bigger than anything else i have ever experience...or most likely ever will.

of course, i have always been a highly emotional person. i have been feeling others pain since i can remember. whether it was my brothers or my parents, then my friends and then as a teenager the burden of the world was upon me! even still, i must censor my movie intake, because of the sheer stress of experiencing the characters tribulations! i know thats rediculous...but its difficult for me to separate from the piece. i suppose i am emtionally raw or something.

today i grief for the local mother who lost her only daughter last night in a drunk driving accident. the 19 year old was close to home...and driving safely when another crashed into her. how can a mother survive such a loss? it can be done...it must be done...but notheless HOW? my own mother has survived the death of her first born son - my brother Gary. she is such an example of strength & endurance. im still in awe of her...as she continues to live voraciously... & as she continues to grieve...while a piece of her is missing on this earth.

here is a toast to all the mamas out there....our joys, our aches..are essentially one ...the love of a mother.